Puns and jokes thread

Dragon! clap clap Dragoff!

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What do we want?
Low flying airplane noises!
When do we want them?
NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW

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Please help. I’ve just paid for my meal at a Burmese restaurant but the cash register divided by zero somewhere.
It’s reading “NaaN.”

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thanks for reviving this thread. i want more jokes. MORE JOKES DAM IT!

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“Why do ants live in hills?”
“All the valleys were taken.”

Give a man an airplane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day. Throw him from an airplane, and he’ll fly for a lifetime.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

How many wives are needed to screw in a lightbulb? Three. Two to argue about it and one to make her husband do it for her.

I don’t like elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

There was a bar atop a skyscraper. Man 1 was sitting there when man 2 entered, ordered a giant keg of beer, drank all of it, and leapt from the window. A short time later, man 2 entered again, drank another keg of beer, and leapt. This repeated until man 1 stopped man 2 and asked “How are you leaping from the window without dying?” Man 2 said “It’s very simple! Beer makes you warm, and warm air rises, so with a belly full of beer you gently float to the ground.” Man 1 said “That’s amazing! I must try it!”, so he drank a keg of beer, leapt from the window, and was pulverized upon slamming into the ground. Then the bartender said “Superman, you’re an ass when you’re drunk.”

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“ok google, can you tell me what the chemical formula of nitric oxide is?”
“NO”

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wanna hear a potassium joke? K.
what do we do to a dead chemist? we barium.
was going to tell you a sodium joke but Na.

Give a man a game and he’ll have fun for days. Teach a man to make games and he’ll never have fun again

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Truer words have never been spoken

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i enlightened pumpkin once
i opened his eyes as a result
you can say i carved them
well id say he got a true eye opening experience

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Who names Yellowknife? The Chinese people, of course.

That joke doesn’t make any sense. Are referring to Chinese names?

It’s because Asian people have a “yellow” skin. Maybe it wasn’t appropriate to bring this joke…

Not really appropriate. But what about the knife part?

Yellowknife is a small city in northern Canada. That’s why.
Terrible pun
You’ve been warned
Incoming!

What happens when you count to twenty one but then count to twenty two? Black jack! Sike! (If you are unsure of what the heck the joke is here you go: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackjack
Apparently a black jack’s precursor is twenty one. Cool!

Edit: whoops I accidentally replied to OoferDoofer.

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Trump is one of the most retarded Elders.

no polito

Who is the best thrive dev?
Henimages (1)