AGAINST: Noses
Noses are the single worst thing to have ever developed within the evolutionary history of Earth. Especially with humans.
Take the human nose. A cartilaginous, hideous structure that developed on the front of the human face. Smack-dab in the centre. It is the very example of everything wrong with the human race, the core of our hatred, our capacity for cruelty and our rather unspeakable habits. We are better off without them, no matter what people may say about breathing being more difficult. How is an ugly, god-awful structure on the centre of our otherwise unparalleled faces any better than a couple of slits on our faces? Absolutely unbelievable. People say ‘oh, but the nose helps filter out things that could harm us!’. Quiet, you hooligans. That’s what our trachea is for.
Then you have other animals, and god forgive me for even mentioning some of them. Take the ever-beloved dog, for example. People say that dogs need their noses, to help judging their sense of direction with their wet rhinaria. No they don’t! They have ears. Their hearing should help them perceive where their prey are. Wind? A poor excuse. Dogs don’t care about wind. Anyhow, they too could do with a couple of slits on their face, makes them less ugly. God forbid you can’t ‘boop the snoot’. Get a hobby.
And, oh god, the elephants. The elephants. The trunk is their nose. Their nose is so large and flexible, they grab stuff with it. That’s what hands are for! Why couldn’t they be normal, and have hands? It’s just an excuse to keep their nose! The elephants have gone too far, WAY too far with their noses. It’s awful. It looks absolutely hideous. It’s like their everything has to be large. Their nose, their ears, their bodies, their… less savoury areas, everything just HAS to be large with them. They are a sin. Them, and their stupid noses.
Therefore, I conclude that noses should be banned. And that they should be replaced with slits, so we can breathe. Noses are dumb. Don’t do noses. They’re bad. Very bad.
[This rant does not express any of my honest opinions, and don’t cut off your nose, please.]
3 topics:
FOR: Pet alligators
AGAINST: Music
INDIFFERENT: Cows