Community Writing Contest #1

[Oliveriver]

Since we seem to have a lot of new people here and I for one am interested in keeping them, I’ve decided to start a Thrive community writing contest (inspired by similar events on the old forums).

But this will be no ordinary writing contest! This writing contest is all about EXTREME OPINIONS. It’s based on a session run by my university’s Literature Society which proved hilarious.

At the end of this post I’m going to list three things alongside the word ‘FOR’, ‘AGAINST’ or ‘INDIFFERENT’. Your challenge is to pick one of those things and write an opinion piece arguing why we should be for, against or indifferent about it. At the end of your post, you can then pick three more things with associated opinions for later replies to use as prompts. Anyone who replies after that can choose any of the prompts posted anywhere before in the thread, and anyone can post as many entries as they like.

I’ll choose the winner in exactly two weeks, assuming enough people have replied.

To give you an idea of what this is supposed to be, here’s my attempt at writing about why we should be AGAINST cheesy chips. As with all the pieces you should post, it’s inside a spoiler. To add one, go to the gear icon in the post editor and choose ‘Hide Details’.

Now I Am Become Cheesy Chips, Destroyer of Worlds

Cheesy chips: saviour of mankind or harbinger of the apocalypse?

Some may argue cheesy chips represent a union of two of the greatest creations in history. Cheese and chips have a bitter rivalry over which will be deemed the best invention since sliced bread each year. In fact, the opinion is regularly raised that these are in fact better than sliced bread, because really, what has sliced bread ever done for us?

Yet when you get down to it, cheesy chips are a bit odd. First, cheese is no more than gone-off milk with an ego problem. Just because it’s more “mature” than the repurposed calf feed it spawned from doesn’t mean it demands more respect. It comes in pompous and difficult to pronounce varieties, like camembert, gorgonzola and yarg. Some even feature mould as their unique selling point: “Ah yes waiter, a plate of delicious mould. Yes, the thing that turns fruit into green gloop. No, I swear I’m not crazy.” Or would you rather have cheese so laden with preservatives it’ll probably survive beyond the heat death of the universe?

Chips are no better. Dig a brown lump out of the ground, cut into slices and dip in literal fat, and suddenly you have the foundation of American culture. How is America doing these days anyway? If it were in the midst of total democratic disintegration for instance, I would not hesitate to place the blame squarely on chips. Americans don’t even call them by their proper name. This is what eating chips does to people.

The amalgamation of cheese and chips is therefore an unholy demon, a spectre of rampant capitalist greed. Really, you want to put CHEESE on CHIPS? Have you no shame? Need I say these people were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should. If Jurassic Park has taught us anything, it’s that the logical conclusion of such gleeful abandon is the inevitable violent death of everyone.

[The opinions expressed in this rant were inspired by a prompt and do not reflect the view of the author, LitSoc, or anyone at all probably.]

Obviously offensive or actually hateful topics or content are not welcome. The idea is to be as exaggerated and hyperbolic about something stupid as you can. I hope this goes as well as I think it will.

Anyway, without further ado, here are my prompt topics:

FOR: Asteroid impacts
AGAINST: Noses
INDIFFERENT: The abstract metaphysical concept of existence

[OmnipotentFNarr]

Well, here goes nothing!

FOR: Asteroid Impacts

Ever looked at a shooting star and thought: I wish this big flamin’ ball of dust, ice and gas would just hit the Earth already! If you did, this is the wrong topic. We’re talking about meteorites, not comets. Meteorites should definitely hit the Earth, and that’s a good thing, because humanity deserves it. If you look at recent extinctions, you notice that all of them are caused by humans! citation needed We all deserve a cosmic wallop, because obviously the entire collection of the human race thinks the same and is in no way disconnected by any view. And as a side-note, if we do survive, the crash site can have some neat goodies, like gold! Everyone knows humans like gold! Gold is cool. It makes a good currency, it makes shiny jewelry and it makes good electronic wires. Gold is awesome! I should’ve talked about FOR: gold instead! Back to the topic though. I would like to end my thoughtfully crafted and independantally researched arguments by concluding with this statement: If asteroid impacts aren’t obviously good for humanity, why? Tell me one reason, only one, as to why this gift from the cosmos isn’t righteous or “morally correct”.

Well, I had fun. Here are my 3 topics:

FOR: Parking in parks
AGAINST: Fire Hydrants
INDIFFERENT: Gramamer misstakes

[Biologicah (Only occasionally interested in Thrive)]

AGAINST: Noses

Noses are the single worst thing to have ever developed within the evolutionary history of Earth. Especially with humans.

Take the human nose. A cartilaginous, hideous structure that developed on the front of the human face. Smack-dab in the centre. It is the very example of everything wrong with the human race, the core of our hatred, our capacity for cruelty and our rather unspeakable habits. We are better off without them, no matter what people may say about breathing being more difficult. How is an ugly, god-awful structure on the centre of our otherwise unparalleled faces any better than a couple of slits on our faces? Absolutely unbelievable. People say ‘oh, but the nose helps filter out things that could harm us!’. Quiet, you hooligans. That’s what our trachea is for.

Then you have other animals, and god forgive me for even mentioning some of them. Take the ever-beloved dog, for example. People say that dogs need their noses, to help judging their sense of direction with their wet rhinaria. No they don’t! They have ears. Their hearing should help them perceive where their prey are. Wind? A poor excuse. Dogs don’t care about wind. Anyhow, they too could do with a couple of slits on their face, makes them less ugly. God forbid you can’t ‘boop the snoot’. Get a hobby.

And, oh god, the elephants. The elephants. The trunk is their nose. Their nose is so large and flexible, they grab stuff with it. That’s what hands are for! Why couldn’t they be normal, and have hands? It’s just an excuse to keep their nose! The elephants have gone too far, WAY too far with their noses. It’s awful. It looks absolutely hideous. It’s like their everything has to be large. Their nose, their ears, their bodies, their… less savoury areas, everything just HAS to be large with them. They are a sin. Them, and their stupid noses.

Therefore, I conclude that noses should be banned. And that they should be replaced with slits, so we can breathe. Noses are dumb. Don’t do noses. They’re bad. Very bad.

[This rant does not express any of my honest opinions, and don’t cut off your nose, please.]

3 topics:

FOR: Pet alligators
AGAINST: Music
INDIFFERENT: Cows

[Katt47 (My specie is slavers, drug traffickers, smugglers and everything in between.)]

Here I go… Nya

FOR Pet alligators

These cute carnivores deserve more love and company. Surely they have just some social difficulties in communicating with other species, much like those we humans have when it comes to rats.

Logics aside, a pet alligator would be the perfect stroll partner. Just imagen how happy she/he would be to finally have somebody to talk to over a swedish fika at your local café. Exchanging opinions, ideas and memories.

You wouldn’t need to fear allergies, since alligators have no such glands that produces those problematic spores.

Alligators do not eat meat, that’s a myth invented by crazy scientists to establish a regime led by a logic-centered junta.

We must accept alligators as a natural part of our society. Step out of the sandbox and try to see the individual in the animal. It’s a life. Just like you and me. Not some unspeakable monstrous killing machine that would butcher anything in it’s way.

I don’t care if she/he massacred your lawn, the alligator is your neighbor and therefore you two must try to resolve this conflict in a non-violent and civilized manner. Who’s the animal now?

You wouldn’t belive how friendly alligators in fact are. It’s so rude of us to blame them for killing sprees, when it’s we humans that is the cause of their aggravations. We only have ourselves to blame. We should build temples dedicated to our newfound deity. We should also start a cult and worshipp this alligator animal for all it’s worth.

Spread the word! Alligators will get their well deserved apology sometime soon!

[This script does not by any thinkable or unthinkable means state any of my real values and should therefore not be taken seriously… Keeping alligators at home couldn’t only kill you but also your dearest, so don’t do it. You have a reason to live and the same goes for those near you!]

FOR: The number 69
AGAINST: All other numbers than the above stated and the one stated below, and mathematics with all logic.
INDIFFERENT: The number 47

[OmnipotentFNarr]

Take 2…Here I go!

INDIFFERENT: Cows

Cows are ok, I guess. They live, which is always a plus for a living being. Being female mammals, cows produce milk for their calves, which humans harvest forcefully to heal their own injured calves after running a lot or something. They also taste good when we RIP THEIR TISSUE OFF THEIR CORPSES AND BURN THEM IN THE ETERNAL FLAME OF THE CYCLE, uhh, I meant cook their meat (They taste good with beef sauce).

However, this totally unbiased argument wouldn’t be unbiased if I only gave pros, so here are the cons: cows fart. Their farts smell. They smell so bad, the atmosphere is literally trying to cook them alive with their own farts. They also produce stinky doodoos. Doodoos may be used to grow cow food faster, but they still stink. If it wasn’t for yummy cow flesh and miracle bone repair sauce, I would be pro cook-cows-alive-with-their-own-farts.

Cows go moo. Mooing is cute. Have you ever seen a cow moo? Check this one out. It’s super cute! And calves are cute too. Cow calves, not human calves (those are fleshy and gross).

Pictures of calves

With all that said, I guess cows are OK. I don’t hate 'em, I don’t love 'em, but they exist, and I must respect them for that (and so should YOU, the reader!).

[The opinions stated above may or may not conform to the Thrive Forum, Viacom or author’s values, beliefs and/or view of the subject. You’ll never know the truth!]

I really like this game. It’s always fun to write for, uh, fun and not stress around with serious writing. It’s even sort of relaxing. Don’t feel overwhelmed if I start posting a lot here.

Prompts:
FOR: Froghunting
AGAINST: Thrive coming out
INDIFFERENT: LEGO

[Katt47 (My specie is slavers, drug traffickers, smugglers and everything in between.)]

The second of my rants.

INDIFFERENT: LEGO

LEGO is the single most effective way to make something creative out of small parts since every part fit together. This makes it kinda hard to actually build something the wrong way and almost everyone with patience will sooner or later inevitably feel they accomplished something of substance.

If it wouldn’t be for the fact that little children want to eat everything (and I repeat; everything!) they come across I would actually recommend this as a child’s toy to pre-school improve their building, creative and cosmetic abilities out in the field.

With above facts in mind I have through deep contemplating and meditation come to the ultimate conclusion that LEGO is okey… Not too dangerous and not too Over Powered (OP).

[Guess what? This didn’t even reflect any of my real opinions…! Besides that LEGO is awesome!]

FOR: Life viewed through the lens of a computer game
AGAINST: Overwhelming concepts
INDIFFERENT: Bed

[Zahyyy (the one who spent 4 hours writing a single post)]

AGAINST: Thirve coming out

When it comes to our beloved community, most of its members will very openly exclaim their anticipation regarding Thrive’s final release. This might seem like a completely innocent thing, one may even say it’s rather rational, given how much time we spend here on the forums, on discord, creating fanart, or perhaps even when someone spends four hours writing a single post along with a research for said post, simply out of pure passion, despite the content of the post still clearly being years away. Ehm. Ehm. Isn’t that why we are here? Don’t we all want the full Thrive experience? Well, things might be a bit more complicated than they seem.

When Thrive finally emerges from the void of time, when this journey finally meets its end, when there’s going to be all the features you can think of, when Thrive evolves from its pitiful first release into a complete game, ready to come out, when all the cells will be indistinguishable from their real life counterparts and when the stars will seem closer than ever, when you will be able to relive the past, alter the present, and experience the future, it will surely be a reason to celebrate birth of such a marvel, yet it will also be a reason to mourn over a loss of what we all loved. The day of Thrive’s release will be the day on which the community as we know it dies. Of course, there is still going to be a huge amount of activity, posts, and fandom, but it won’t be the same. There is going to be no more left to imagination, no more fanart of what this wonderful project might become in the future, no more concept art to get us patiently anticipating the next update, no more arguments about the infamous underwater civilizations, no more dreams and hopes. What you see is what you get. And however amazing that might be, nothing is going to beat dreams and hopes of someone, whose imagination was running free up to this point.

But worry not, for the day Thrive comes out is, and for decades to come still will be incomprehensibly far away. So let’s enjoy the fact that Thrive is still years away and nothing is set in stone. Let your imagination be free, let’s discuss on the forums while there is still so much to uncover, so many ideas to be shared. Let’s even argue, bicker and fight over the underwater civilizations! The ones who come after us might experience the game in its entirety, but they will not experience what made the game what it will have become by then. They won’t experience the community in its fullest. They will have no idea how much we have learned from almost every subject just by brainstorming our ideas. The developers are not just creating a rather ambitious game, they are bonding this wonderful community together. And for that, they have my thank you. And so does everyone, who ever responded to my post, which lead to an engaging conversation, everyone, who taught me something, and everyone, who is so passionate about this project. We were here during the infancy of this splendid experience and no one will ever take that from us. Needles to say, Thrive’s childhood is wonderful; it is playful and imaginative, still full of hopes and dreams. Thrive’s adulthood will mean having all its ducks in the row, having to be perfect, yes. But it won’t have any more hopes and dreams, once things are set in stone. And maybe, we will then look back on this infancy of Thrive, when we did not have the final version of the most ambitious game ever made, no, but when we had the uncertainty. And as everyone has their own imagination of the perfect heaven, we then had our own imagination of the perfect Thrive. And no one will ever take that from us.

[ This essay does not reflect my actuall opinions, I’m really eager to get my hands on a version of Thrive consisting of all the stages and I am going to be the happiest person once that becomes reality ]

Once I start rambling I’m unstoppable. Also, I know that some things there are not true, for example Thrive will probably never be “fully released” as a finalized version and so on, but for the sake of the sake of the essay I felt like I had to make some simplifications of the issue. Thank you for reading.

My prompt topics:
FOR: Misery/Sadness
AGAINST: Aviation
INDIFFERENT: Technological advancement

[OmnipotentFNarr]

Wow, incessant clapping this felt truly genuine. If this contest ended today, I think, no, I’m certain that would be the winning text. Bravo to you!

[Zahyyy (the one who spent 4 hours writing a single post)]

OH STOP IT YOU! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!

[zenzonegaming (Steve Buscemi Fish Clown Detective Cult Leader)]

AGAINST: AVIATION

Mankind was never supposed to leave the ground aviation is UNNATURAL!!! i prupose that we immediately dismantle all planes and propellers for they are a menace to society anybody who knows how to pilot a plane should be imprisoned immediately for aviation is the devils work the black magic of aviation knows no ends the wings don’t even flap! planes need to be DESTROYED!!! DESTROYED!!! i say the wright brothers were the devils minions any who rode in plane is to burn in the depths of HELL!!!

we must dig holes in the ground and bury the planes in them to send them back to the devil anyone who joins my cause shall spend the afterlife in heaven for god blesses this holy cause and anyone who doesn’t join this second spends eternity in HELL!!!

this was fairly easy because i am afraid of heights.

for: crime

against: water

indifferent: food

[QuantumCrab]

AGAINST: WATER

What is up with water? It seems like this incessant, nagging need that everyone must bow down to! You drink too much water, you die. You don’t drink enough water, you die. You drink the wrong water, you die. Even if you leave water somewhere for long enough, tiny little beasties will settle and take over! Given enough time, water will start leaking through your ceiling and eating away at your possessions. What’s that? You want to go on vacation to escape the horrors of water? Where will you go? The beach? On a cruise? A ski holiday? Snow and ice is just water laying dormant and lying in wait for some unfortunate soul to step right in it. Maybe just stay inside? Nope. Water will fall from the skies to try and get into your home. That’s alright, just close the windows and shut the blinds. You try to make some coffee to while away the hours. But that needs boiled w̴̗̓a̷̛̜ṱ̷̆e̷͝ͅr̶̢̉You shut and lock the door, in a futile attempt to escape the w̸̛͎̖͓͍̋͗̊͆ǎ̶̙̩̟̹ṱ̶͇̮̯̏̑͐̌͒̆ḛ̶̙̜̳̈́r̸̳͚̥̃. Lightning crashes outside as your house rocks from side to side in protest. The rain relentlessly assaults the tin roof. Pipes burst open. The sounds of gushing w̸̘͛̀̈͆͗̑̅̾̎̽́͋͠a̴̠̠̕ͅͅt̸̙͇̊ē̸͔̲̬̄r̴̡̛͉̦̳̦͙̳͓̀͒͑̀̽͠flood the house. Suddenly, everything’s quiet. Something’s different. Something’s wrong. You entertain the idea of opening the door to investigate, but you notice your heavy anxious panting. Mist rises from your breath.

T H E W̷̥̲̥̌̀́̇̕ ̵͙̼̳̱̭̉̑̔̈́͠Ã̸̫͜ ̵̖̤̜̀T̷̜̘͆ ̸̛̭̺̞̍͗̇̄Ḛ̷̓ ̴̤̯̘̺̿̓R̵̔ . I S I N S I D E Y O U

i hate water, its wet and its cold and it gets everywhere

for: Needles
against: Ceiling Fans
indifferent: Trains

[Katt47 (My specie is slavers, drug traffickers, smugglers and everything in between.)]

I love water, strange right?

[Katt47 (My specie is slavers, drug traffickers, smugglers and everything in between.)]

Add needles too and I would ask where I sign up for this supposedly “holy mission”?

Honestly, I do not believe in god but you can’t blame me. I am swede and maybe automatically secular. That doesn’t change the fact though that I have needle-phobia and dislike heights… Natural friends, I guess?

[QuantumCrab]

Alright, I changed it

[zenzonegaming (Steve Buscemi Fish Clown Detective Cult Leader)]

well time to cut off my nose make myself less ugly and get some nice slits

[Katt47 (My specie is slavers, drug traffickers, smugglers and everything in between.)]

Yes it had to be me of all people.

FOR: crime

Why not? Crime is a good lulz (gloat) producer. If crime didn’t exist the police wouldn’t have any jobs.

Think about it, it would be hilarious to see everyone running around armed with automatic weapons on the streets. Would be like GTA, you rob some bank and get the money, get out, drive to the nearest gentleman club and laundry the money… Profit!

If there’s this annoying person that just seem unable to keep quiet, then you could just hire agent 47, he always get the job done. The potential downside with him, however, is that you can’t recall him… So think twice before hiring a hitman!

In a way, crime is the product of a system failure in said society. Contrary to popular belief, the individual criminal can’t be blamed for his actions since he most likely didn’t have a choose/was too high to be able to think rationally.

As a wannabee lawyer I can see that my whole career is dependent on that the system isn’t perfect and that some people still commit crime. Someone must suffer so that another may live, it will always be like that. So please don’t stop murdering the muffins out of each other!

I believe in fair play. If somebody steal your candy, don’t bring your shotgun. Steal something from his drawer or pocket instead. This way you will not only keep yourself alive longer but also your enemy. This is good because it means more money down my pocket, which means more money put into the adult industry, which most likely create substantial revenues for us all… Promise, I can’t be the only one really profiting from all this… right?

[Does not reflect the authors real opinions/values. No, crime does not pay.]

Please don’t kill me for it is my third rant…

FOR: angry emojis
AGAINST: world map
INDIFFERENT: The Marianas Trench

Latest edit: 3 topics added.

[OmnipotentFNarr]

Uh, you forgot to add your 3 topics.

[DPHkraken (Δф - Delta Phi)]

FOR: angry emojis

Okay, cowards. We shall not confine our expressions to the trite “lots of love” sent by our grandmothers. I’m sure that expression has lost its value well before she put that meme on her Facebook page, calling you and your true kin terrorists.
Anger has remained constant - can you taint rage? No. Satirize it, make it faux - those are mere jests, not its genuine expression. But under the surface, anger burns as a standard candle - a way of asserting one’s true self.
Hide all you can - it makes no difference. We are all angry , and won’t have it any other way .
Rage is one of the truest of all emotions - or is inconsistent and unclear, but “smad” is in all of us.

[May or may not represent the view of the author, as it was inspired by a prompt.]

[OmnipotentFNarr]

AGAINST: Ceiling fans

There are few thing that I despise with a burning fury as much as the ceiling fan. Ceiling fans are a tall person’s worst mild inconvenience. What if you walk in to the kitchen and you are 2m tall? First, you bump your head on the door, then the ceiling, then the CEILING FAN! IT’S THE WORST! Trust me, the first 2 blows are ineffective, but when Kitchen used: CEILING FAN, it’s super effective! You scream as you plop on the floor, writhing in pain as you clutch your bleeding face, wondering when your incessant suffering will finally end! You start wishing for things you’ll regret saying out loud later, and even yell nasty words (Quick PSA: Kids, you should never swear. It’s a sign of weak verbal skills.) like , or , or even go as far as yelling !

Ceiling fans are to be blamed for any tall person’s clumsiness, and should be purged and sent back to where they came from: IKEA! That’s right folks, put on your riot gear, unsheathe your makeshift daggers and destroy the mild inconvenience that is the CEILING FAN! FOR CONVENIENCE!

[The opinions stated in this text do not reflect the views of the author. I’m not even tall!]

That was my 3rd instalment. Here are my 3 prompts:

FOR: Gold (Didn’t see that one coming, right?)
AGAINST: Libraries
INDIFFERENT: Lollipops