Detective Zenzone's Travels đŸ‘»

Not Thrive
22

Me.

(Long post filler)

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I wonder what TOAST (if they are being called that) is planning to do to capture us
 eh whatever it won’t work anyways

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oh i wouldn’t doubt TOAST, even if they are underfunded they’re still an entire branch of the US military

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I eat them for breakfast (literally. Honey and butter toast is really good btw)

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oh yea, i’ve had that before
cinnamon and sugar and butter also gud

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Wait, so they’re a branch of that thing I infiltrated last week because they were handing out cupcakes to staff?

That makes me think even less of them, I thought they actually would be a little fun, maybe even make me break a sweat

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but this project nemesis thing sounds pretty threatening
 doesn’t it?

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It sounds like they think it’s threatening. They also thought that bacon wrapped bacon was threatening back in 1942. Now people realize it’s ingenious but really doesn’t do much other than taste good.

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30

mmm toast

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Episode 3: The Newspaper

Episode 3: The Newspaper

Charlottesville Florida, Ming residence, 6:30 am:

Wao Ming, husband of Yan Ming and father of three, was sleeping until his alarm went off.

As soon as it started blaring his eyes snapped open and he turned it oof, zooming out of bed. He wouldn’t let it happen, not today, not again.

He jumped down to the first floor and broke his ankle, but it was worth it, the stairs would have taken too long.

He crawled at the door and threw it open, he desperately glanced around only to cry a mournful wail into the sky.

Someone had stolen his newspaper.

duh duh-duh duh

Detective zenzone is the best detective there is!

duhduhduh

All other detectives are pieces of :belgium:!

He’s smart he’s strong he’s really the best!

He’ll stand up to any teeeest!

duhduh duheaaeaearra

He also has some okay-ish sidekicks!

And a lot of villains!

And though they’re smart as bricks!

They can still be a pain!

duh duh duh duhduhduh duh duh duh

reahareahaero

DE-TE-CT-IVE ZEEEEEEEN!

He’s the best!

Langley Virginia, CIA vents, 2:38 pm:

Milo Walters, known to the public as Twilight, was currently playing ping pong with his friend/teammate Trevor Philips.

It was a slow few days for the team, no new Cases, no new emergencies, there weren’t even any petty crimes going on nearby. All that there was to do was watch The Nutty Professor (the tape had gotten stuck in their VCR player months ago) and play ping pong.

That was, until they received a message.

“Hey guys! Get down here quick, we have a new Case!” they ended their game and headed over to the computer room, where their leader, Detective Mark Zen, was standing in front of the computer.

Milo walked up to the screen, “What is it?”

“A man messaged us from Florida! He says that his newspaper keeps getting stolen.” Zen answered as he looked at the address and calibrated the teleporter.

Twilight stared at him incredulously, “Seriously? Are you being serious right now?”

Zeb glanced up from my preparations, “Um
 yes? Why wouldn’t I be serious?”

“A newspaper, we’re going on a mission to help a random guy find his newspaper.”

“I know it might not seem like something huge to people like you, but trust me when I say that there’s something big going on. I can sense it!”

Trevor began to pack some things into his bag, “I guess we don’t have anything better to do. I mean do you really want to watch The Nutty Professor for the fifth time Today?”

Twilight looked conflicted but ultimately, he was bored out of his mind, and anything would be better than watching Eddie Murphy in a fat suit for one more second


“Okay.” Twilight sighed, they then all stepped into the teleporter and arrived at their destination in a blink.

The sun was shining brightly above them, forcing Twilight to adjust his trench coat and fedora that he had been wearing the entire time, or else get burned by the ultraviolet light.

They were standing in front of a modest two floor suburb house, the front lawn neatly trimmed and a welcome mat set out for visitors.

They walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. After a few seconds of waiting the door opened, revealing a woman with east Asian features.

“Hi hello, my name is Mark Zen, these are my assistants Greenwings and Butler. We were called about a disappearing newspaper?”

As soon as Zen spoke he noticed her face fall, “Wao! Those idiots you hired are here!”

She walked away from the door as they heard squeaking coming from inside the house, within a few moments a man had arrived.

He was in a wheelchair and had east Asian features, similar to the woman, his wife presumably.

“Ah that was fast! I only emailed you a few minutes ago. My name is Wao Ming, come in come in!” he wheeled away from the door as the mystery team stepped into the house.

“Don’t worry about the wheelchair, I just broke my ankle this morning trying to get to the newspaper.” Mr. Ming said as he led them into the living room, it had a noticeable Chinese theme in it’s decorating.

Zen and his assistants sat down on the couch, with Mr. Ming simply rolling his wheelchair up next to it.

“So as I’m sure you know, my newspaper has been getting stolen. For weeks now I have not received the newspaper.” Mr. Ming reached into a cabinet and pulled out a large stack of files, “I have had cameras installed in my front door to see who is doing it, they show me that the newspapers are being delivered, but then the footage blacks out for a few seconds and the newspaper is gone.”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “Look Sir, it’s just a newspaper, why the hell do you care so much?”

Mr. Ming’s eyes hardened, a metaphorical fire burning bright behind them, “It’s more than a newspaper, it’s the law, it’s the unspoken rules of society, it’s the crossword puzzle! If I let this bastard run gallivanting around with my newspaper, then I might as well just light the world on fire myself!”

Zen nodded, “I understand completely. Don’t worry Mr. Ming, we’ll find the person responsible for this theft, even if it’s the last thing we do. Now about your payment
”

After a few minutes fiddling around with credit cards the team was out on the street investigating for clues.

They went over to the next house down the lane and knocked on the door.

The door opened after a few seconds revealing
 a man dressed in newspapers?

His shirt his pants and even his shoes were made out of newspapers torn apart and stitched back together again, he was even wearing glasses made of newspaper.

“Hello, my name is News Paperson. Who are you?”

Detective Zen, undaunted, began to speak, “Hi hello. My name is Mark Zen, I’m a detective, and these are my assistants Greenwings and Butler. We were hired by your neighbor to investigate a recent series of newspaper thefts.”

“You wouldn’t happen to
 know anything about that would you?” Trevor asked.

“Oh no, I’ve heard about it though from Mr. Ming, nasty stuff. I couldn’t imagine who could be so evil
 so vile as to steal a newspaper. Newspapers are the very things that give us life! If one does not pay the proper respect to newspapers then they are not worthy of it’s glory, and must be purged from the earth!” News Paperson yelled, spittle flying over the faces of the detective and his assistants.

“Okay
 so I suppose we’ll be leaving no-.” Trevor was interrupted by News Paperson

“Ah don’t leave so soon! I insist that you all come in, maybe I can tell you something that will help you.”

The trio reluctantly stepped into News Paperson’s house and settled down on his couch.

As they did a woman entered the room, she was also wearing nothing but newspapers, a newspaper dress to be specific.

“Who are these News? If I had known that we would be having guests then I would have put together some newspapers for them to eat.” News Paperson chuckled.

“Ah don’t worry News, these fine men will only be here for a few minutes to ask us some questions. They were hired by the Mings to investigate the newspaper stealings.”

“Well, it’s about time someone took care of that, we can’t allow such injustices to newspapers to happen dearie. I think it’s that Greg Ulk from across the street, man doesn’t respect newspapers like he should.”

“If he is the one who’s doing it then I’m sure that the Detective will be able to figure it out.” The woman walked over to News Paperson and gave him a kiss before leaving the room.

Trevor leaned forward slightly, “Is she also named News?”

“Oh of course, it’s a family name after all!”

There was a short silence in the room.

Zen began to speak, “So anyways, what can you tell us about the neighborhood?”

News Paperson chuckled, “Well there’s me, my wife, and my 11 darling children, News Paperson, News Paperson, News Paperson, News Paperson, News Paperson, News Paperson, News Paperson, News Paperson, News Paperson, Bob Paperson, and our youngest, News Paperson.”

Twilight interjected, “Why’d you name one of them Bob?”

News Paperson looked aghast “Eleven children with the same name, what do you think we are, crazy?”

He then continued, “Anyways other than us there’s the Mings, you know them, Greg Ulk’s house, the Does, and the other Papersons, it’s my brother’s family.”

They continued to talk for a few minutes before Detective Zen and his assistants decided to leave, they had the info they needed.

They decided to go to the Ulks next, apparently it was just Greg Ulk living there, and according to the Papersons he was the prime suspect.

Zen knocked on the door and waited, but nothing happened for a few minutes, so he knocked again more forcefully.

Again, nothing happened.

Twilight sighed and broke in through a window, a few moments later the door was open and they entered.

In the living room watching tv was an elderly man in a bathrobe and underwear, once he saw us he stood up, grabbing an alligator.

“Stay back! I gots maself a gator, ‘nd I knows how to use its!”

Trevor stepped forward, “It’s okay Sir, we’re just here to ask some questions about newspaper thefts. Please put down the alligator.”

The man looked at us suspiciously before spitting on the ground and tossing the alligator to the ground, “So the Mings is hirin’ some prissy city boy detectives eh? Well you won’t get anything out of me city boy!”

Trevor stepped up to the man, “It’s okay sir we’re not going to “get anything” out of you, may I ask what your name is?”

The man sat back down on his rocking chair, “The names is Ulk, Greg Ulk. ‘Nd ‘afore ya ask, no, I weresn’t the one who stole dem newspapers. Wish I weres though, can’t stand them city boy newspapers! Wish someone’id go ‘nd destroy ‘em all! Newspapers’r the one thing standing between this here country and a utopia!” he yelled, a patriotic fervor in his eyes.

The detective and his assistants stood wide eyed for a few moments, “Okay
” Trevor began, “Well would you happen to know who did it?”

Greg snorted, “Even’f I did knows I wouldn’t tells you city boys! Now git out o’ ma house!”

The detectives then left the home.

They decided that they should go to the Does next, as they had no desire to deal with more Papersons.

A man answered the door, “Ah hello, I’ve never seen you fine young men before, are you new to the neighborhood?”

Zen stepped forward, “No, we were hired by your neighbor, Mr. Ming, to investigate his newspapers being stolen.”

“Still think this is ridiculous.” Twilight muttered under his breath.

The man sighed, “Is he really still obsessed about that? I mean he could just buy them from somewhere else if he really wants the newspaper that much.”

The team sighed internally, finally a normal person.

“Anyways my name is John Doe, and I live here with my wife, Jane. We’re currently trying to have a child, in fact, I think you three could help us with that, why don’t you all come in?” the team didn’t even have enough time to register that before a blonde woman came out of nowhere and sprayed them with some kind of gas, knocking them out.

A few hours later Zen woke up. He groggily looked around the room, noticing that he was tied to his assistants, who were still unconscious.

They were tied together in some room, maybe a basement, right on top of an odd pentagram made out of newspapers.

“Ah you’ve finally woken up.” John Doe said, making Twilight and Trevor wake up at the sound of his voice.

He along with his wife were dressed in red robes, he was holding an ornamental dagger while she held some kind of book, “I understand that you’re probably confused, I’m really sorry that I wasn’t able to explain a bit more before you got knocked out. You see me and my wife recently found out that we weren’t able to have children, and so we decided that the next best thing was to summon a newspaper demon child to raise. We just needed the materials and a few sacrifices, which we now have!”

Twilight coughed a bit, “Why is everyone so obsessed with newspapers?”

His question would go unanswered however as a nearby wall exploded, revealing non other than Greg Ulk carrying twin alligators, “Did someone say gators?”

There was a short silence, “No
 no one said that
” John answered.

Greg tossed his alligators at John and Jane before rushing over to the tied up team, “I’s is gettin’ you city boys out o’ ‘ere!”

We ran out of the home as it got attacked by a legion of alligators, eating every bit of it.

“Now why don’t you city boys git on out o’ ‘ere, I’ll go’n tell the Mings that their newspapers is safe, for nows
”

And that is why the team now has a pet alligator.

The End.

Unknown Location, 11:00 pm:

General Twain calmly hummed as the elevator descended. His calm demeaner was heavily contrasted by his Aide, Jessie, who seemed about ready to have a nervous breakdown.

“A-are you sure we really need
 h-h-him for this?” General Twain scoffed.

“He’s the only half-decent scientist we have left after the budget cuts.” He glanced towards the quickly descending floor numbers, “Besides, who’s to say a little madness won’t help this project
”

The elevator doors slid open soon after he had finished, revealing a poorly lit laboratory. And a man standing at a desk, his back to the elevator.

“Ah, General
 I assume you are here for Project Nemesis?” he asked without turning, his voice betrayed a British origin.

“Wouldn’t be down here for anything else.”

“Heh, well you would be pleased to know that I’ve already selected 3 individuals, who would be
 most perfect for the team.” The man turned around, revealing him to be an elderly man, with a white beard and heavily receded hairline. A pair of glasses perched above his hawkish nose.

General Twain sighed, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I trust your judgement. Have you received the document I sent you?”

“Yes, I’ve studied them over quite heavily. As well as those blood samples that you’ve so generously provided
”

“Are you sure you’ll be able to pull it off? We only have one shot at this, or else we’ll run completely out of funding.”

“Hehehe, oh I’ll pull it off alright!”

“Or my name isn’t Nigel Billingsworth
”

Somewhere in the planet Neptune, a devious man was messing with the mystery team.

That devious man was me, the First Personator, and it is my ultimate goal to steal the first person from everyone in the universe.

But then suddenly a wall exploded in my secret base, revealing none other than Mark Zen!

“Give me back my first person First Personator!” he ran at me and punched my in the face, knocking out all of the first persons that I
 no, he had stolen.

I was back.

“Welp, time to go watch the nutty professor with Greenwings.”

I’m not doing third person again.
also I am going to create a pm with everyone who likes this post, they will receive announcements regarding this series.

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Toast? yummm. With butter and not burnty its very good.

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gotta love ghost pings

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Ahhah.ahhah.aggagsh.vshhrh.hdbr.

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yes ..

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Episode 4

I turned off the voice recorder and glanced over to Butler and Greenwings, who had just finished preparing the supplies.

“Are we ready?”

Butler glanced up from his duffel bag and sealed it up, “Yeah, but I was wondering, do we really have to do this?”

I scoffed, “We have to if we’re going to save the underwater civilization discussion thread Butler, you know that. Besides it’ll be a cool adventure.”

Greenwings rasped, “How will we even get back in time? It’s not like we have a time machine.”

“No, but I know who does.” I looked over to the world map, “We’re going to Mount Rushmore.”

duh duh-duh duh

Detective zenzone is the best detective there is!

duhduhduh

All other detectives are pieces of :belgium:!

He’s smart he’s strong he’s really the best!

He’ll stand up to any teeeest!

duhduh duheaaeaearra

He also has some okay-ish sidekicks!

And a lot of villains!

And though they’re smart as bricks!

They can still be a pain!

duh duh duh duhduhduh duh duh duh

reahareahaero

DE-TE-CT-IVE ZEEEEEEEN!

He’s the best!

We were at Mount Rushmore within in a single millisecond.

It looked just as president-y as I remembered.

Good old Teddy Rose, Abe Link, George Washman, Tommy Jeff, and Tricky Dicky, the best presidents in US history.

I leaned towards my assistants, still looking at the monument, “Y’know, I met all of them in person. Time travel stuff.”

Butler sighed, “We know Sir, you talk about it every time we go here
”

We walked over to the secret entrance and opened the door, leading us into the secret TOAST base inside of Richard Nixon’s head.

“Y’know, I never really knew why they put a base inside Mount Rushmore.” Greenwings muttered as we sneakily crept across the base, using his powers to keep us hidden, “What’s the point of it?”

“It’s meant to honor Richard Nixon, he was the founder of TOAST after all, as well as the man who funded the central project of this base.” I quieted as we walked past a guard, thankfully he didn’t notice us.

Eventually we made it to the time machine room, a massive structure built into Nixon’s jowls.

We set the coordinates and stepped into the time machine, Greenwings uncloaking us just as the machine started up.

“HEY THOSE GUYS ARE BACK!” a researcher yelled as she noticed us, but it was too late, we had already disappeared.

“I wonder how they keep letting us use it.” Butler spoke as we flew through space time itself.

Mariana Trench, off the coast of ancient China, 2,000,000,002,022 years ago.

We appeared in an underwater Union base and immediately doubled over with severe vomiting, a side effect of time travel.

“Gran hain hab’an Uina?” I heard a shout from down the hallway.

I looked up, seeing a merman stamping towards us using robotic legs.

I stood up straight, nausea fading, I had to be quick about this or they would probably kill us.

The merman stood a few feet away from us, angrily pointing at the floor, “Fegai :belgium: Yaan Jelain Uina?!” I didn’t speak ancient Atlantean, but that was definitely something about us puking on the floor.

I drew my pistol and shot the merman’s robotic knees, sending him flopping to the floor, “Okay they’ve definitely heard that so we need to be quick, remember we can’t kill anyone or it would destroy the time space continuum we just need to destroy the weapon that the Unionist are developing here!” we were at Luajnia, a secret Unionist facility that developed the deadliest weapon known to Merfolk kind.

The toaster.

One single toaster dropped into a battlefield could kill thousands of Merfolks, and it was the weapon that turned the tide against the Confederates.

We started running down the hallway, which was made of glass on all sides. But we didn’t have anytime to look at the various deep sea creatures swimming around us, for we had a mission.

To save Thrive’s underwater civ discussion thread, at any cost.

We were faced with several Merfolk Unionists that we had to defeat, either destroying their robotic legs or simply knocking them out.

Eventually we reached it, the room where the toaster prototypes were being held, “We have to wipe the computer data and destroy the prototypes. Butler get to work on wiping the data, Greenwings and I will destroy the windows, the extreme pressure down here will squash all of the prototypes and doom the Union.”

Greenwings glanced over to me after tearing a Unionist’s legs off, “Hey I was wondering, if the Unionist lose the war then won’t humans still be enslaved?”

“No don’t worry about that, it’ll work itself out I’m sure.”

Butler went to a computer terminal as Greenwings and I defended him from Merfolk Unionists and weakened the room’s structural integrity.

“Gran Hra Uina?” one Unionist shouted as he flopped on the floor.

I heard a deep voice boom from behind me, alongside thundering steps, “Heg Brina, Yag Uikan Oaf
”

I turned around and dodged a table that had been thrown at me by a massive Unionist mech.

it was a massive suit of steel and odd glowing crystals, clearly meant primarily for sea based combat, judging by it’s awkwardness on land.

My eyes scanned it, looking for any possible weaknesses.

There! I saw a small opening on the back which revealed a red hot sphere poking out of the suit.

“Greenwings there on it’s back! It must be it’s engine, it was probably put there so it could be cooled by ocean water!”

Greenwings dashed towards the mech, “Don’t need the entire engineering lesson!”

He blinked over to the backside of the mech and hit the engine, making him hiss in pain, “AH! That’s hot!”

But he had definitely managed to damage it, as a fist shaped dent had appeared in it.

I yelled to him, “You distract the mech, I’ll shoot the engine!” I could just barely make out a nod from across the room.

“Hey I’m over here Fish Face!” the Unionist growled and swung at him, but Greenwings was able to quickly dodge it.

And it gave me the perfect shot.

The bullet hit the orb and caused a massive jet of fire to erupt from the new hole, causing the unionist piloting the mech to panic and get out of the suit.

Just as Greenwings knocked him out Butler ran up to us, “It’s done, I’ve uploaded a virus that is currently deleting all of the files, let’s get out of here!”

We quickly tapped our wristbands that allowed us to travel back to the present (and that we had the entire time) and we all vanished just before the mech exploded, shattering the windows and flooding the toaster prototype room.

I sighed as we walked out of the facility and Butler prepared to teleport us back home, it had been an exciting mission.

Greenwings looked over at me, “So are there going to be any unintended side effects from that whole thing?”

I chuckled, “Other than the underwater civ discussion? Naw.”

As the sparks of the teleporter appeared around us, signaling that it was honing in on our signal, I spared one last glance at Mount Nixon.

Ah good old Richard Nixon, Richard Nixon, Richard Nixon, Richard Nixon and Richard Nixon!

Wait what?

Los Angeles California, TOAST underground base, 1:46 pm:

Cassandra Smith wasn’t having a good day.

Whether it was the uncomfortable cot she slept on, the horrible breakfast she ate (seriously, why hasn’t anyone invented something to cook sliced bread?), or the constant drills she was going through, she had a large amount of anger currently bottled up. Anger that she was more than willing to unleash on the first person to look at her funny.

She was currently trying to work it off in the gym, raining blow after blow on a poor punching bag that hadn’t done anything to her.

She gave a huff of frustration as she backed away from the punching bag, sitting down on a bunch to catch her breath.

It was then that the door to the training room opened, revealing an elderly man in a lab coat, flanked by two TOAST grunts.

He smiled when he saw her, “Ah yes, there she is!” he walked over to her, “Your name is Cassandra Smith, correct?”

She grunted, “Who wants to know?”

“Just a humble scientist named Nigel Billingsworth, who is very interested in you
” her eyes narrowed as he looked her over.

“If this is a sexual thing then no, :belgium: off.” She got up and began to walk out of the training room.

He chuckled and walked after her, “You are mistaken my dear, do you remember the blood tests we had everyone d o a few days ago?”

She stopped, “Yes.”

“Well while we said it was to monitor for diseases or drug useage, it was actually to find who would be best for a certain
 project we are currently orchestrating. And you my dear, are literally perfect for it!”

She turned around, her eyes betraying her curiosity, “What project?”

Nigel chuckled as he raised a glass vial, some kind of dark viscous liquid inside, “A small little thing known as Project Deathwake
”

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i’m surprised that @nigel and @deathwake haven’t been saying anything recently

39

They won’t be a problem anymore :slight_smile:

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we wont?

starts to fade out of existance

uh oh

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nothing happens yeah im canonically a ghost already so Nigel’s the only one harmed by this.

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can i enter the story. do i need to make a character to do so