Give a man an airplane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day. Throw him from an airplane, and he’ll fly for a lifetime.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
How many wives are needed to screw in a lightbulb? Three. Two to argue about it and one to make her husband do it for her.
I don’t like elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid them.
There was a bar atop a skyscraper. Man 1 was sitting there when man 2 entered, ordered a giant keg of beer, drank all of it, and leapt from the window. A short time later, man 2 entered again, drank another keg of beer, and leapt. This repeated until man 1 stopped man 2 and asked “How are you leaping from the window without dying?” Man 2 said “It’s very simple! Beer makes you warm, and warm air rises, so with a belly full of beer you gently float to the ground.” Man 1 said “That’s amazing! I must try it!”, so he drank a keg of beer, leapt from the window, and was pulverized upon slamming into the ground. Then the bartender said “Superman, you’re an ass when you’re drunk.”
