Puns and jokes thread

the rules are simple, post some jokes and/or puns that you like, you can include as many of them as you want in your post, but don’t double post! just edit. also, no NSFW jokes!

i’ll begin:

  • knock knock, who’s there?, death, death wh- * drops dead on the floor *

  • some guy said, just before boiling water: “goodbye water, you will be mist.”

  • what’s the difference between inlaws and outlaws? the outlaws are wanted.

  • my friend said what rhymes with orange? i said no it doesn’t.

  • what is orange and sounds like a parrot? a carrot.

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Hey, what’s the acronym for BiologicalSomething?


Hey, what does Omicron say about the Elders from XCOM?

“The Elders are retarded!”

What’s the synonym for the last quote of QuantumCrab?

“Last Breath of Life”

I am not only a master of necro, but also The King of badcalls!

What do spore fans do when there’s a game that is like Spore? they Thrive!

bad joke i know…


-Knock Knock

*Who’s there?


*Doctor who?

-No, Doctor Octopus!

1 Like

Not sure whether the first one might be considered NSFW, I hope not.

  • Hey kids! What’s the difference between an orange and a human being?
    You don’t get arrested for peeling off orange skin.
  • What do aliens use to repair their spaceship?
    Abduct tape

that is okay, NSFW things include $eX, terrorism, as well as metioning that EVIL german dude with a short mustache and other similiar things.


Don’t say bad $eX word pls.


$eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX $eX

That was a $hitpost of mine…

Take it back or I’m telling a trusted adult.

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Dragon! clap clap Dragoff!

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What do we want?
Low flying airplane noises!
When do we want them?


Want me to take it back? Alright.

Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$ Xe$


happy little memories


good joke

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Please help. I’ve just paid for my meal at a Burmese restaurant but the cash register divided by zero somewhere.
It’s reading “NaaN.”


thanks for reviving this thread. i want more jokes. MORE JOKES DAM IT!


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“Why do ants live in hills?”
“All the valleys were taken.”

Give a man an airplane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day. Throw him from an airplane, and he’ll fly for a lifetime.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

How many wives are needed to screw in a lightbulb? Three. Two to argue about it and one to make her husband do it for her.

I don’t like elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

There was a bar atop a skyscraper. Man 1 was sitting there when man 2 entered, ordered a giant keg of beer, drank all of it, and leapt from the window. A short time later, man 2 entered again, drank another keg of beer, and leapt. This repeated until man 1 stopped man 2 and asked “How are you leaping from the window without dying?” Man 2 said “It’s very simple! Beer makes you warm, and warm air rises, so with a belly full of beer you gently float to the ground.” Man 1 said “That’s amazing! I must try it!”, so he drank a keg of beer, leapt from the window, and was pulverized upon slamming into the ground. Then the bartender said “Superman, you’re an ass when you’re drunk.”


“ok google, can you tell me what the chemical formula of nitric oxide is?”


wanna hear a potassium joke? K.
what do we do to a dead chemist? we barium.
was going to tell you a sodium joke but Na.

Give a man a game and he’ll have fun for days. Teach a man to make games and he’ll never have fun again