The new joke achievement thread

Post your crazy achievements here

  • those crazy saturdays: destroy all life on a saturday afternoon
  • legends never give up: be a photosynthesising underwater civilisation that doesn’t use fire for smelting because that can already be done with the sheer power of will and have an economy that revolves around toothbrushes
  • its happening bois: sense a “disturbance” in the field
  • newtons paradise: make an astral travel to the beach of knowladge
  • wrong side of history: try to swim against the river of history but the currents are too strong
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never gonna give you up: evolve rick astley in thrive


“breakin the law”
go through an ascension gate without ever leaving the water


and i didn’t: evolve a rick astley and don’t let down

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“WHAT!” go through the ascension gate as a plant without ever leaving water

  • anything you might ask for: build a shopping center that has a volume of 1 qubic lightyears
  • kazuhiro watanabe to the extreme: in aware stage, use hair gel so that your hair stays up and wait until it grows to be a lightyear long
  • fruit ninja for stars: have a lightsaber battle with lightsabers that are extremely long and accidently cut 200 stars in half
  • seeing is learning: have your planet be divided in half in that lightsaber battle and take schoolkids to your newly sliced planets core in geology lesson
  • can you be serious for a second?: the kids aren’t interested in the scientific facts about its composition, instead they play the floor is lava

child labor: you know what to do :slight_smile:

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spreading corruption: have a corrupted save file corrupt other save files and the game deletes itself

Tanaka’s achievement: nuke the ocean and make a radiated city destring monster by accident

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  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU, thats not tru, thats imposibel: While having a conversation about how you “don’t like sand”, break up with her because you red the text message from 23 and me, confirming the suspicions that she “is your father”.
  • space snake twister: place your left feet on planets, right feet on moons and make energy from rotation

20,000 Submarine Cents: Get your coin that fell into the Mariana Trench back

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An honest preposal: In a serious letter to the government, suggest eating the children to help with starvation.


Human resources: invent slavery
Time reality crystal: Use ascension to make your civilization from scratch, and bring that civilization to ascension before making it continue the cycle
Your mom: You are playing and your mom walks in on you…

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  • living tardis: evolve ftl and time travel abilities
  • the banana gods have spoken: slip on a banana but your planet doesn’t have peeled fruits
  • so that it looks good on my cv: carry the whole galaxy to a more picturesque spot in the universe using ftl drives (space, not ascension)
  • you silly: go extinct for a silly reason
  • im no silly you silly: go extinct for a silly reason but say that you werent silly. than have your appeal be accepted and you given your species back.

Well, this thread is dead, I am the one that uses it the most.
I guess normal achievements can already be wacky, so nobody sees the need of trying extra hard.

  • Meta thinking: When the game asks you to choose a state as your new enemy(like in eu4), say your enemy is “the system”
  • Arrow in the knee: Take an arrow on the knee and stop adventuring
  • Ringworld: When the village elders tell you that the world is flat and ends beyond that mountain, dismiss them and climb the mountain to prove them wrong, but when you reach the top and look over, see the void of space below!
  • Give me moon and I’ll move earth: As a space whale colony, form a lever shape and use a heavenly body as a fulcrum to move another heavenly body

it can run crysis as a game engine: construct a matryoshka brain with 200,000,000 petabytes of RAM and FTL communication tech to increase it’s speed as well as a graphics card 2000* more powerful than the Nvidia GeForce RTX 4090 and one 100 core CPU per person simulated and have it be liquid hydrogen sulfide cooled.

the tragedy of bophedes nuts: make an animal that is durable and tough enough to be, for all intents and purposes other than yeeting them at the ground at Mach 1, invincible in all but their reproductive organs and get stabbed in them with a poisonous blade after producing offspring and naming it testicles(with the cles pronounced like in heracles).

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Thrive: A evolution game - Evolve to the bare minimum(you only have a nucleus and binding agent.

Thriven’t: Die.

I am very childish or a speedrunner: Achieve Space Stage by excreting bodily waste at a rate so intense that you are propelled to space. Your creature must be able to survive in space.

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glass lizard: make a lizard with 5 to 11 limbs including the tail but have it be one cell and have a millimeter thick glass membrane

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that would be massive compared to the proposed cell iirc

it would be a lizard sized cell

Would be impossible due to certain factors, sadly.