CASE 11 ½:
WHY WONT ADAM SANDLER STOP PLAUGING MY DREAMS?!
WARNING: in order to properly understand this conspiracy TRUTH you must have watched every last single Adam Sandler movie, or have had them implanted inside of your head by evil aliens that worship him.
Go and watch all of his movies NOW or else doomlightning will be very mad at you.
He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there He’s always there
Ever since I was abducted by the alien Adam Sandler cult and had all of his movies implanted into my head (on June 22 2011) I haven’t been able to sleep a single night without HIM appearing in my dreams and describing the plots to his future movies perfectly.
Its horrible, not only am I not able to sleep any more (for fear of my new sleep paralysis demon showing up) but all of Adam Sandler’s movies, from jack and jill and that’s my boy, to grown ups 2 and pixels have all been spoiled down to the last sentence by none other than ADAM SANDLER
But how is he able to do this? Other than having an entire cult comprised of an intergalactic civilization and a spaghetti monster floating around in outer space he’s just a normal guy, or is he?
This is in fact FALSE
He is actually an ancient evil rivalling even that of the ghost of jeff bezos from the future, fralegend the wizard of evil, and the system all combined.
Thanks to the investigations that I and my assistant greenwings21 preformed (with him mostly just being there to hold my spy glasses and copious amounts of tinfoil (just in case we needed extra protection from psionic threats) I have concluded that Adam Sandler is indeed not a normal man, he is in fact the reincarnated, cyborg, ghost, zombie, alien, form of St Nicholas, more widely known as, SANTA CLAUS
It all makes sense now, how Adam Sandler is able to do all of his own stunts in his more actiony movies, why he’s loved by children across the world, and why he’s worshipped by aliens.
Hell, his name is even an anagram for santa clause!
A – d – A - m SAN – d – LE – R
A appears in both names exactly three times, n and e both appear in their names 1 time, s appears in santa clause’s name exactly 2 times the times it appears in adam sandler’s name, this makes perfect sense.
This also explains why he doesn’t celebrate Christmas, as why would he celebrate a day where he is supposed to make a mad dash around the world and give all the children presents? If he did then he would be obligated to actually do it and he really doesn’t have the time for it all with all of his evil scheming to destroy his arch nemesis, the queen of England.
“zenzone, you have no proof that Adam Sandler hates the queen of England” oh do i?
Has the queen ever personally appeared in one of his movies?
I rest my case.
But after I discovered all of these conspiracy truths about Adam Sandler, my dreams have been becoming more and more violent, with him describing to plot to movies such as “I am going to kill zenzonegaming” which will apparently release at June 22 2011 and “zenzonegaming is a liar guys don’t believe him”, ALSO releasing June 22 2011, it’s gotten so bad that I haven’t been able to sleep for months starting at around June 22 2011.
Though then again I guess I only got around 1 hour of sleep per year before so its not too much of a difference
There was only one way to fix this, to send Adam Sandler back to whatever pit of fire he crawled out of (probably in Turkmenistan), to go to the one being that would have any hope of battling Adam Sandler and winning (with ample help of course).
I had to go to… THE SYSTEM
Duh Duh Duh!!!
I went to my computer and put my foot through the screen, attempting to crawl inside.
After I replaced my broken computer, I instead went to Hyrelainen’s house and had him plug me into the internet…
“̵͕͖͛̚A̷̫̞̅̈́h̶̳̓,̸̢̳͝ ̶͓͋͌d̴̝̔e̴̡͗͑t̷̢̲̓̕e̶̪̲͐c̵̩̮͛̏t̵̜̑i̷͔͍̔v̵̠̮̌̄ę̷̙͝,̴̩̫̌̿ ̴̱̄͝s̶̼̫͊o̴̼̠̎ ̵̎͜i̴̟̰̍̃ń̸̡́t̴̢̂̽ȩ̶̩͐͝r̷͇̅e̵̦͛s̵̩̍̎ẗ̷̼̝́ḭ̶̡͊͒n̴̯͒ģ̷̖̈́̍ ̸̖̗͒̈t̷̞̳́o̸͇̿ ̸̲͠b̷̧̛̛̟e̷̝͊͑ ̸͙̏ȃ̴̡̠̓b̵͙̗̏̀ļ̴̡̃͒e̵̡͂ ̵̯̾ţ̶̜̽ô̸̟͝ ̷̰̋s̶͇̀ḙ̴̍̀e̵̬̓͌ ̵̪̠̍y̵̞͐ͅo̴̧͉͒́ṵ̴̚͘ ̴̧̞̔͝i̸͍̅n̴̜̄ ̸̝͊̾b̸̧̠͑͘i̶̜̥̇̉n̶͚͝a̷̠͑ŕ̸̞y̶̩̫̚,̵̤̕ ̸̰̙̒Ỉ̷̫̆ ̷̡͖̀e̸̺͠x̴͍̽p̴̡̥̽͝e̸͈̊c̵̛̥̖t̵͈́̏e̶̖͛d̶̞̀ ̶̝͆ŷ̷̩ô̶̞̪u̶͖̍̾ ̴̜̹̃͂t̴̻͂o̷̮̰͘ ̴͖̦̋b̴̘́̑͜e̵̹͇̚ ̵̖͝ͅa̸̢̝͆̀ ̴͍́b̶̫͓̒͆i̷͈̎t̵̨̫̓͆ ̶̤̟̚t̷̺͚̓a̷̲̔ḽ̷̽̄l̸̤̹̿e̵̳͒ŕ̴̤̋…̵̠̦͝”̷̨̼͑̈́
“This is no time for your twisted mind games the system, i… I need you help.”
“̸̶̜̰̕͝g̷͈͇͊a̷͚̫̎̈s̵̛̟̆ͅp̴̴̢̻̰̝̔̒ ̷͈̱̂w̷̦̆̇ḧ̵̝͇͘ä̴̟́t̵̛͓̄ẽ̵̯͚͆v̶̳̺͝ę̴̔̓r̶̥̾ ̶̰͒͒f̴̳̆͊ȍ̷̞̖r̶͓̾̅?̷͙̈͜”̴̟͓͝
̶̺̞͘͝
“You know what for you conniving computer, he’s grown too powerful for my cousin who is a priest in Guam to be able to banish”
h̵̨̞͠ë̸̢͉́̚h̵̬̞͘̚e̴̜͝h̴͋͆͜e̷͖̓̕,̴̟͕̉ ̵̮̚I̶̩͝ ̶̬͝s̶̝̓̑u̶̹̣̓͝p̸͇͚͊p̷̟̋ơ̷̳ş̷́ę̶̤͑ ̷̟̣͠I̶̗͎͆̕ ̴̖̜̀̊c̴̰̑ͅȯ̵͎̥̆ȗ̶ͅl̴̫̃͝d̷̳̱̈́ ̸͈͚͆h̴̟̰͌͋è̷̑ͅl̶͙̜͗̄p̸̝̽̎…̴̹̂ ̴̨̛̟f̶̞̓̈ͅő̷̝r̵̼̀ ̵̟̩̚a̴̦͑ ̴͆͜p̶̛̳͎r̴̺̝̋i̶͖̕c̵̣̐̀é̸̘̲͗!̷̟̈́”̶̬͈̈́̃
“Ugh, what do you want”
“̵̨͕͚̯̌Y̵̛̳̣̮̰̐o̵̘̓u̷͖̗̟̩̎̋́͘r̶̤̅̾̚ ̶̰̅s̵͔̈́̊̓͝o̴͉͕͓̔ͅŭ̷̲̒ļ̷̨͎̈́ͅ,̷̺̫͌̃̃͘ ̵̲͉̘̎d̴̙̏̈̿e̶̗̺͋̅t̸̬̍̓ẻ̶̜̻̱͂͆̌ç̸͛̄̀̕t̴̳͋͊͜͠i̴̧͋̓̔v̸̥̂͊ẽ̸̮̯͚̓́̾.̶̛̬̪͉̖̽̔̚”̶̘̗̦̳͊̌͛
̶̡͈̯͌́̕͠
“And that would entail…?”
Ṯ̷̎h̵̳̊̊á̸̦t̷͔̿ ̶̧̦̈́y̷͊͜o̴̦̹̅u̴͔̫͆̽ ̸̧͙͗̇b̸̖̣̋̉ē̶̻͠c̸̦͗̌ö̵̭̭̽m̸̠͘̚e̶̲̋́ ̶͇͇̄̚m̷̥̦̾̏ẙ̶͙̤̍ ̴̳̈́m̵̨̊̐i̴̠̎n̸͓͍̊i̴̥̞͐o̶̰̅n̷̗̭̊ ̶̜̂f̸̺͖̒o̷͓̪͋r̴͍̉ ̶̖̘̽t̶̠̫̏ḧ̴͍͙́͐e̵̡̱͗ ̴̛͍̅ṟ̴̄́è̶̝͆s̶̬͌̅t̸͎̏ ̸̥̇o̴̱͂ḟ̵̰̝ ̸̲̼̌t̴̜͛͝ī̶͖̝m̷͚̘̓̌ẹ̵̀͜ ̵͍̓ã̵͙̗n̵͕͕̈d̸͖͙̐͛ ̴̟͝ͅâ̵̧c̷̢͙̆t̷̮͌ ̷̙̅ȯ̶͚ǔ̷̩̘ṫ̴̟͝ ̵̲͋͝m̷̭̜̆y̵̯̋ ̴͚̀́e̶͇̔͜v̸̫͝ḭ̴̟͌̈́l̵̍͜ ̶̨̓s̴̳̘̿c̴̪͑h̸̡͙̉e̷̡̤͛͊m̴̛͍e̸̻̣̓͝s̵͉͕̅ ̵̖͂̈f̴̞͒̚ö̴̥́͗͜r̴̘͠͝ ̸̯̾͝m̴̡͊͌e̵͔͕̒ ̷̰̺̌͝ö̸͖̬́f̶̦͌̏ ̷̮̄̀c̴̙̰̀́ȏ̷̪ṵ̴̐̚ͅr̷̨̈s̵̲̕e̷̳͑̌.̷͕͑̕”̴̼͆̉
“Hmm… would you settle for my assistant’s soul?”
To be continued…
