Today is just not your day: The Game

[Lipovomit (A lone Slugcat who lost their family.)]

You die. A lot.
Today is not your cycle. At least until you hibernate successfully.
You are now specifically Saint.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

Something forces you to act in an unholy way.
Saint you are no more.
You now are in hell.

[Lipovomit (A lone Slugcat who lost their family.)]

You leave hell and ascend the void worm, becoming an echo in the process.
Today is not your time loop.
You are now Rivulet.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

Is rivulet an another cat-slug type?

[Lipovomit (A lone Slugcat who lost their family.)]

Yes.
She’s the one with the worse rains.
She’s also semi-aquatic.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

A good rain finally falls upon you.
Today IS your day!
You now are an iterator.

[Lipovomit (A lone Slugcat who lost their family.)]

You ultimately succumb to entropy, as without your creators there is no hope of repairs.
Today is the end of an era.
You are now Looks To The Moon.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

The moon does indeed look interesting to you… until it comes crashing down upon you.
Today was thy’s last day.
You are now a snail.

[AnthropocenianAge (𝒜𝓇𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓊𝓇𝒶 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶 𝒽𝓊𝑔!)]

Sadly, no one is interested in snails. So you grow several pairs of legs appendages.
Today is an unusual day.
You are a now the Cambrian organism Aysheaia.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

There is little interest within the paleontology community about you.
Today was not a day to be remembered.
You now are an iron star.

[JustaDumbThriver (He who has the IQ of a half-eaten Wendy's Baconator(tm))]

You blow up from iron fusion.
Today is the day of the heat death of the universe.
You are a chess knight.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

You get traded.
Your life was sold.
You are a chess pawn.

[AnthropocenianAge (𝒜𝓇𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓊𝓇𝒶 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶 𝒽𝓊𝑔!)]

You attempt a gambit, but fail.
Today, chess is not your game.
You are now Channing Tatum.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

You die on stage.
Today you died as you might’ve liked…
Now you’re a ghost.

[JustaDumbThriver (He who has the IQ of a half-eaten Wendy's Baconator(tm))]

Ghostbusters.
Today is not a very ghostly day.
You are a fat Reddit mod.

[AnthropocenianAge (𝒜𝓇𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓊𝓇𝒶 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶 𝒽𝓊𝑔!)]

But apparently, you are nothing in size compared to a Sumo Wrestler.
Today is not a very healthy day.
You are now a battered and deep-fried stick of butter.

[JustaDumbThriver (He who has the IQ of a half-eaten Wendy's Baconator(tm))]

Someone eats you.
Today you got revenge on them by sending them to the ER from diabetes, at least.
You are a TGBing warrior.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

You die to an onslaught of enemies too large for you to defend from.
There will be an another day surely…
You are a rotifer on a rotifer seedworld.

[JustaDumbThriver (He who has the IQ of a half-eaten Wendy's Baconator(tm))]

You get outcompeted by other rotifers better at your niche.
Today was the day to get better, and you wasted it.
You are a Choanozoa FG organism.

[aah31415 (The maker of SitF, Radiostrocity, The Lifenote and TGBing; The Second Ascended...; And just maybe a security warning come alive...?)]

You die of ripe age.
Today was a last good day…
Now you are the forum.