The new joke achievement thread

They would evolve multicellularity, and if they didn’t they would take too much time to evolve since unicellular evolution is slower than the one of multicellular beings and would all die because the star dies.

i said no more science talk

Oops: do something innappropriate without realizing it and accidentally get a thread locked.

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which you already did once and i prevented what was almost the second one by making a moss creature eat the reason it almost happened

Yea, sorry about that, by the way.
what was i THINKING?

probably thoughts that are not safe for forums

I hate being a hormone-addled teenager.

i am a teenager going through puberty and i handle Belgium like that far better than you.
also if you feel like doing that :belgium: again just don’t and do something else

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Ouch. :frowning:
I have no response, honestly.

  • Seventh seal: Fall to 0 hp, but play a game of chess with grim reaper and win back your life
  • Wait I am still in lava: Do the thing above but immediatedly die again
  • An extra nipple*: Open your dna and make the screen reader read it outloud, all of it
  • Not that I reccomend: Release the virus you designed in thrive and cause 10k casualties in real life
  • Turing complete: Open the video game editor and program thrive
  • Turingception: You get this achievement if you received the turing complete achievement in a thrive you programmed in thrive
  • Thrive the scratch, i guess: Design a game in the game editor that ends up having a subreddit with 100 subscribers in real life
  • Medieval relativity: Play on the surface of a black hole and build a catapult that shoots light (society)
  • If I can’t into space, noone can: You made it to the industrial stage and attempted to launch your first spaceship. You failed and the resulting societal ptsd prevented you from ever trying to go to space again. Your civilisation decayed and you went back to awakening stage. Then you started evolving again and became a cell. This cell species became spacebourne via radiopanspermia. You went to another solar system and found an industrial species attempting to launch their first spaceship. You played a plauge inc game and, the lockdown measures resulted in a chain of events which caused stuff like an earlier brexit and the first spaceship attempt failing.
  • Bite a byte: Enter a computer and make a biting attack to an ai with your avatar
  • Omnipresent ghost donator: Play as a language and go extinct after giving loanwords to all the other languages in your planet
  • Reencarnationary communism: Choose capitalism as your economic system and close the game. Open a new game in the same galaxy and come to the same planet or open a new game in the same planet. Turn your country into a company. Close the game and open the previous game. Find that company and give it privalages, turn it into a monopoly. You now control everything like a communist but you are a capitalist.
  • Now that’s some hard work: Build the eiffel tower in cell stage
  • Intelligence veteran: Evolve for millions of years. Then, a species in your planet evolves intelligence. It starts changing the planet, then leaves it and ascends in something like 10 thousand years. Nothing noticable happened for you, its just that some species went extinct(don’t go extinct), some evolved (made pets or received genetic engineering) and every species now lives in every patch(they escaped zoos or hatched a ride in a cargo ship).
  • Calm blood: Don’t use energy to pump blood, it moves in a single direction thanks to a tesla valve
  • Scientificly accurate love: Have a heart shaped heart or a heart shaped heart shape
  • Genetic carnot cycle: Extract bio-thermodynamical work from the geneflow between two previously isolated populations
  • Juditionary meme: Play as a law and spread to 5 other patches (constitutions)
  • Achivemind: Become a hive mind that works off of ac electricity
  • May i mayo?: Upgrade a fat tissue into the mayoneise tissue
  • My favorite respiration in summer: Design a citric acid cycle that creates lemonade as a byproduct
  • Life is a dance floor for me: Fulfill the requirements for unlocking the dance editor when you have just 1 cell
  • Pecos bill: Create a tornado for your movement
  • War makes money: Play as a military industrial complex and make more than 50% of a country’s gdp be dedicated to potential or real war
  • Why do I have so evil thoughts: To cause maximum civilian damage, trigger a false positive nuke alarm. When people understand that no nuke is coming and start exiting their bunkers, send nukes for real this time. A lot of people assume the warning isn’t new and exit regardless, and die horribly
  • This is evil in a different way: In the tech editor, design a smartphone that is powered by cycling, and the whole memory is deleted if it runs out of power, and the phone always leaks battery even if it isn’t used
  • Dr evil, i guess: Do something very evil, such as stealing an elderly lady’s retirement savings or digging a hole around a tree so that the cat stuck up there would fall for a longer amount of time if it ever jumped
  • Devils advocate: Defend someone in court who is seen as the devil in a religion
  • Marcions bible*: Your religion died out but it was so heretical that the theologians of another religion quoted it word for word in order to disprove it, and your holy book wasn’t lost
  • Kachow: Use the sound of an engine as a mating call (hear that from a crashed spaceship in aware stage? autobots from silicon life?)
  • External interoception: Your brain measures your blood sugar level by occationally making you bite your tounge and taste your blood
  • Phonic neurons: Have two different brains that arent connected by nerves, when they have to speak with each other, they speak in the literal sense, whith their respective mouths
  • an business: Start a business of selling n word passes
  • Splaining spell: Evolve toxic masculinity or femininity
  • Hello, self: Play as a cancer and become a part of the microbiome of your previous species
  • Size doesn’t matter: Recreate the plot of the bee movie in thrive
  • The answer is in base 13: Find the question to the answer of life, universe and everything
  • Maybe the real ascension was the friends we made along the way: Intentially slow down your ascension research so that you can spend more time with your friends in the multiplayer thrive game
  • Wait! There is a dlc: Capture object petit B
  • Snake ascension: By eating apples, grow so long that you fill the planets surface and no more apples are spawning
  • Oh dear*: Kill god with logic
  • Desk killing: Have a deskilled population
  • Shapeshifter: Have the perfect stealth, but only against echolocators
  • They are buerocrats morty, i don’t respect them: Kill 100 beurocrats
  • Funniest belgium ever: Turn yourself into a pickle
  • Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!: Weaponise a joke
  • Greenpeace didn’t like this: As an explosive or a fire breathing creature, cause a glacier to seperate from the main icy body in a planet that is going to have a hotter climate when you exit the editor the next time
  • Sterilised planet: Remove all microbial life from a planet which has multicellular life
  • Accidentally nice: Don’t have a concept of human rights but impress a civ that likes human rights
  • Global drainage: Connect the oceans to an empty underground reservour in order to change the sea levels for some reason
  • Hydra: Don’t have a fixed number of heads
  • Genus 3 torus: Have two necks but one head
  • People like not being listened: Do the unpopular decisions in the opinion polls more often than the popular decisions but still have more than 50% approval rating at the end of your term in office
  • Adoption by pterodactls: After you revived extinct flying creatures (you can’t fly), they escaped and built a nest on top of a mountain or tall buildings. Since they grew up always seeing you, they saw you as their close kin, so they started to abduct your people, bring them to their nest and adopt you. 25% of your population got kidnapped.
  • Convergent history classification: Divide your planets history into eras the same way an ancient alien species that visited and researched it did
  • Alfa centaro: Inside the game, one of your youtubers compose a video about top 50 facts about the nearest other solar system
  • Your mind is making you a joke: Stay awake because an epic is always attacking your village at nights. When it appears again, throw a lot of spears and have great casualties but be succesful in defeating it, but when you try to pproach the carcass, notice that it doesn’t exist, you were hallucinating due to insomnia
  • Enough with the subjugation: Play as the right brains (or whichever side is neglected) and make a revolution, thanos the left brains into ash after collecting all the ascension stones
  • Be one with the nature: Every creature in your planet, including microbes, is a part of a hive mind
  • Flying fish: Fly in the air but have the body type of a fish, do the same movements faster
  • Task manager diversity: Play thrive while at the same time other apps are using 3 times more cpu or gpu
  • Fiery birth: You leave your eggs in a nest and they hatch when the heat from the decomposing plant material forming the nest results in spontenious combustion
  • There was once a game in third rock from sol: Find steve and look at it while having the eightbit filter on
  • The truth mechanic: Evolve or invent the lasso of truth
  • Paradox time: In the economy/job editor, make a barber that cuts the hair of only those who don’t cut their own hair, and crash the game
  • Politics, man: Make an internal combustion engine from political pressure
  • Shhhhh soviets are here: Switch to sign language to make your submarines quieter
  • Heart broken: Play as a heart and become cancerous, turn blood veins into roots and feed from the rest of the creature like a xenomorphic plant, then release spores and reproduce asexually
  • Angry plancenta: Play as a placenta, get cancer and start walking and moving around, killing other creatures and giving birth to identical twins of the original baby you were supposed to look after like a mass production
  • Oh napoleon: Send a general to ligma island*
  • Sus: Do something sus
  • The real reason behind the lack of new miracles: After discovering that your sun moves in the galaxy, try to go back to where your holy land was, the coordinates are in empty space
  • Light year long ship: Transmit sound from one solar system to another without a wormhole
  • Cellular domminance: Have a patch where 50% of the water is encased in cells
  • Galactic product placement: Find a pepsi can* in an alien planet
  • Genestealer: Contain the instructions for forming a cult in your genetic memory

So Poland is a Yandere now? :thinking:

Funfact: Mirosław Hermaszewski was the first, (and so far the only) Polish person who was in space. So yes, Poland can into space.

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aw sh!t here we go again: die at the hands of an apex predator and come back for more

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$@!&:
Finish the ascension gate and then have it be hit by an asteroid and break.

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Ey, that wasn’t supposed to happen!: Ascend only to find that an NPC species beat you by 10000 years.

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One ant army: defeat an entire colony of ants by yourself, as an ant.
(Jade was being irresponsible elsewhere, so i decided to use this account until Nice Flowey comes back.)

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  • pov pov: Play from the point of view of a prisoner of war
  • Legocracy: Have a system where the individual born with the most number of legs is chosen as the king
  • Cuteocracy: Give the precidency to that years guinness record holder for the most babies kissed in 60 seconds
  • Shen yun: As a government in exile, make an anti evolution dance show propaganda
  • Priority over nature: As a species that mates only once during its lifetime, (society/industrial) have a generation that never has children because the mating season coincided with an important date in the religious calender
  • Plantoid first world problems: Have a higher top speed than your pollinator
  • Thanks for the brain: As a land species, receive the intelligence genes of an underwater tribe via viruses
  • They both capture light amirite: Use opsin for photosynthesis and chlorophyl for sight
  • Mr life: Play as a lightning and cause abiogenesis
  • Grabby beat: (aware) Lose your heart muscles and turn a limb into a permenant heart message giver
  • Self vacciner: When a cell or a virus infects you, have an immune system that captures one copy, creates a weaker version of it, trains itself on it and gains immunity
  • Wholesome sacrifice: Exacute a foreign diplomat to give the friendly message that you accept their gift (your species is cannibal)
  • Ultimate zip: Have a genome that is 4 nucleotides long and reads “atgc”. When you need to synthesise a protein, form the correct rna by making substitution editing
  • Good empty hallways: Lower the demand for medical services by making hospitals and other businesses operate at the same hours, and don’t give sick leaves
  • Pantomimer: Convince a predator that there is an invisible wall, and make it not attack your nest
  • Economic solutions: Pay your extinction debt by taking low interest loan

WHAT?!?: play as a carbon in sulfuric acid based unicellular plant and require water and H2S for photosynthesis while having closed oxygen and sulfur cycles, and ascend in a way that makes the game think you ascended more than once so you can get more than 3 ascension perks on your first ascension

Big Crunch: Break Space-Time and cause the universe to collapse as a Black Hole by consuming the whole galaxy, destroying the universe.
(This is a Solar 2 reference)

Hold up: go through the Ascension portal as a singles celled organism without leaving water.

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