Dont make me cry broâŠ
Last year I was trying to draw this, but with everyone on the forums, but my phone broke and couldnt.
Maybe someday Iâll try again.
Someday.
3 Likes
Case 58:
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did it cross that road all those years ago? That feathered jerkâŠ
What did it know? What did it do?
Why is it on the Epstein flight list? Did it kill JFK? Lincoln? Garfield?
Who knows how many have met their end by its feathery hand⊠wait⊠chickens donât have hands!
WHAT ARE THE ELEVEN HERBS AND SPICES?
And where does its story even begin? The chicken, or the egg???
All these and more onâŠ
Detective Zenzonegaming
I will be honest with you dear Truth Seeker, unraveling this tangled web of mystery and depravity was without a doubt the most difficult thing I have ever accomplished, and it took the better part of a year of closely examining various piles of asphalt and combing through ancient Imperial German records. But the sheer amount of TRUTH brought into the world by my discoveries more than makes up for it!!!1!
Iâve got that clucking abomination of nature right where I want it⊠and now I can confidently say, winner winner chicken dinner!
No doubt itâs hiding away like the chicken it is, trembling at the thought of all its dirty little secrets getting out.
It knows it canât do anything to stop me. Not now! It had the chance in Cuba, but I was too wily for it to get a lock on with that rocket.
Speaking of I think that rocket hit a Russian naval base and it might have kicked off some kind of conflict. I havenât been looking at the news too much since Iâve been stranded in Los Angoles but Iâm sure they sorted it out fine.
But now I have kept you waiting for long enough. You need the story, you crave the juicy details of debauchery and assassination that is the legacy of the chicken who crossed the road.
Chickens all ultimately crave one thing. They may desire others, such as nice clear skies or the delicacy of a mealworm, but these are fleeting wants. Insignificant in the greater scheme of things. Ultimately, there is only one eternal goal resting within their mind. power.
They do not simply lust for it, they need it. They need the glory of being powerful. They need the satisfaction of being able to choose whoever they want to die. They need the ecstasies of unshackled sadism and hedonism.
But despite their evil dreams of their souls, they are forever cursed to the bodies of small, harmless balls of tasty meat without even the fists to punch things with. Because of this they spend their days ruing the fact that they were not instead born fifty foot tall dinosaurs capable of committing countless atrocities against their chosen most-hated-ethnicity. Lamenting the reality that they were not born at the very least a member of the National Socialist German Workersâ Party or the Home Ownerâs Association. Truly, it is a pitiable existence.
But one chicken did not accept this fate. This âdestinyâ of slowly growing more and more depressed until it got turned into nuggies. It decided to take the lemons life handed it, and shove them into the eyes of everyone it came across in order to inflict as much of its pain upon others as possible.
It.
Crossed.
The.
ROAD.
That being specifically E 5th street. And once it got to the other side it immediately went into the tailorâs which was located on that side of the road.
Thatâs right, I just revealed why the chicken crossed the road. But my story doesnât end there.
The chicken bought a suit using all the eggs it stole from the egg laying megaplex located on the other other side of the road. The side where it just came from. Do try to keep up smh.
And with that suit it was able to disguise itself as a regular human, just like you or me. But this human wasnât regular. It was a chicken!
With this suit it was easily able to convince the public to give it money through its new access to suit magic, and once it obtained this money it naturally went into competition with the sworn enemies of all chicken kind since The Garden. Beluga Whales.
Within the month all whales had gone extinct. And while Iâm sure none of us were sad to see the Baleen Whale spare us of its presence, the losses of the Belugas, Sperms, and Blues deeply devastated the majority of humanity, and led to a horrific rise in the number of ticket sales for Space Jam 5.
Luckily after a little bit of time travel I put a stop to all of that and even found the time to kill Malcolm D. Lee, erasing Space Jams 3-48 from existence. Sadly I wasnât able to get to him in time to stop Space Jam 2. While I was at it I also told Jay Leno that Morbius 2 would be like the next Citizen Kane or something so Iâm pretty sure heâs working on it.
But by doing that I had caught the chickenâs attention. It recognized me instantly. How could it not? I was El Pollo Locoâs millionth customerâŠ
After this it became completely obsessed with putting me sleeping with the fishes. And then afterwards it planned to kill me! While I was all snug and cozy in bed with the fishies!
Diabolical.
Our battle was legendary, though no oneâs ever heard of it. Before now.
We dueled on Mount Everest, traded shots in the Australian Outback during the third Emu War, raced for our very lives in Mario Kart⊠but no matter what tricks we pulled, what allies called in, we were evenly matched.
There was nothing we could do but wait until one of us got tired enough to make a mistake. Something that would cost us our lives.
And in the end, I made the fatal mistake.
But then afterwards I was a ghost so I sort of just possessed the chicken and made it jump off a cliff. And since animals donât have souls, that means Iâve won!
Hehehe⊠anyways Iâm currently stuck in limbo between the lands of the living and the dead and I need someone to either finish my business or find me a body to inhabit because itâs getting boring here.
All in all this is why Iâve decided to petition X to ban Miley Cirus.
1 Like
I will proceed to use my psyonics to allow the detective to post his new findings⊠I foresaw the need to do so throught the shroud.
3 Likes
Thank you, Wizard of Evil. It would seem that the eclectic occult forces of the world conspire to obscure my work. BUT THEY SHALL NOT SUCCEED!
Case 59:
WHY DO MEN HAVE NIPPLES?
Why? Where? When? Who?
It is no secret even to you disinformed serfs that men, despite being men, possess nipples.
Why is this? Who could have caused it?
Is it a punishment for manâs sin? A curse wrought upon us by some vengeful witch? Or perhaps it is even the result of Taco Bell.
One thing is certain, however. That in some way, undeniably, Scientology is at fault. But in my investigations I have discovered that they are not the only âpeopleâ responsible for the nipple epidemic.
The nipples! Theyâre everywhere!
All these and more on this case file of Detective Zenzonegamingâs various investigations.
So why do men have nipples? Well the answer is quite simple, actually.
THE SUN
For decades now its rays have bombarded the planets Earth, Mars, and Pluto, solely for the fact that they refuse to participate in its various Halloween celebrations.
Compounding these issues Ohio, an intergalactic space parasite, has recently attached itself to earth, syphoning its precious Dynelohydrocloroforminalicsodimaliknikatokium. Which, as everyone undoubtably learned in preschool, is a key compound in preventing male nipples.
Despite the best efforts of the United States Government to remove the malignant parasite before it makes off with all of the Earthâs Dynelohydrocloroforminalicsodimaliknikatokium, they have not made any significant progress, owing largely to the suicidal cult of human traitors who have pledged themselves to Ohio. These xenocidal psychopaths are known amongst the various secret agencies of the world as Ohioans.
It was an Ohioan who shot JFK in order to stop Operation Rapture, which would have seen the United States training several thousand Satanic Cultists to perform a ritual that would have summoned the Dark One and brought about an early End of Days; thus resulting in the immediate death of all Ohioans along with approximately 42.069% of humanity. After this all the survivors would have to contend with was rampaging legions of the belgiumed, and thus have a comparatively easy time in removing Ohio from Earth.
George Bush later planned to remove the parasite through invading Afghanistan, though his plans would be thwarted when a disguised Ohioan threw a memory-erasing shoe at him.
With the death of John Lennon, it would seem our only remaining hope for survival as a species is the impending invasion of Taiwan.
However some researchers believe that Ohioâs syphoning of the Earthâs Dynelohydrocloroforminalicsodimaliknikatokium, while undoubtably devastating, is not the sole cause of dude nipples. Instead, they theorize that it is all the fault of Naruto, from hit anime, Dragon Ball Z.
This is the reason why I have decided to formally petition my local HOA to approve an extension to the ventilation system in the Pentagon, where I have decided recently to move in an attempt to escape the wrath of Ohio.
iâm pretty sure they have nipples incase the body is born male but the soul or a ghost that possessed the body and got trapped in it wasnât.
I sense a strong reproductive instinct surrounding this replyâŠ
nah, instinct af a transfemme who wants HRT and likes supernatural stuff.
From what I remember itâs because the default sex of a fetus is feminine and nipples develop before the proper hormones kick in.
Its only a punishment if you let it be
2 Likes
Case 60:
WHY IS THERE A CATGIRL RIGHTS GHOST HAUNTING THE FORUMS?
So there I was just walking down the road one day. I decided that I would pull out my PC and check to see what is going on with Thrive.
Little did I know the horrors that I would face that day!
Post after post after post after post either about how catgirls should be enslaved and hunted for sport or given equal rights to humans!
I personally think that it is disgusting how we have allowed the forums to be corrupted in such a malicious and vile way! They used to be a place for discussing the various intricacies of my Case Files! With maybe a few forum games on the side!
And so, today I shall not only uncover the secrets lying behind the mysterious catgirl rights plague, but I shall solve the issue of catgirl rights completely and create a fair compromise which both sides can agree upon!
Call me The Compromiser, because it is a better nickname than âBrownPantsâ.
Wait⊠that wasnât the forums that was Summer Camp! Guys! Nobody look at the above line!
All this and more in this Case File of Detective Zenzonegamingâs adventures.
So before we get into this tangled spaghetti of lies and hairballs (the worst pasta sauce), we should cover what a catgirl is in the first place.
Wikipedia defines a catgirl as âA lonely woman, often above the age of fifty, who attempts to cure her loneliness with way too many cats, inevitably worsening the issue. Thus, creating a self-sustaining cycle of loneliness and kitty litter. Signs of a potential catgirl can be seen as early as four years old in some women, such as an extreme attraction to the musty smell of week-old cat food and cigarettes. If these symptoms are exhibited by your child or loved one, seek medical attention immediately.â Seemâs like an ironclad definition to me!
Now that we have that out of the way, why do people not want these poor women to have rights? And why do some others think that these disgusting freaks shouldnât be hunted down and enslaved like they deserve?
Well all of that can be answered in one word: Banana.
Thatâs right! Bananas are relevant to the plot after all! Everyone who complained about me obsessing over Bananas all those seasons ago must be feeling preeettttyyy stupid right about now.
Did no one ever wonder why all those bananas were being shipped to Cuba? Itâs all a plot by Princess Dianna to distract us from how Cocomelon is whispering in my dreams!
That links back to Bill Gates injecting me with microplastics every day until I turned twelve! My parents just stood there and watched as the needles went into my arms and filled my veins with the super-power granting substances! How could they act surprised and shocked when I became a psychic???
Whatâs worse, they had Lizard People wipe my mind of any memory of Bill Gates or his daily âflu vaccinesâ! The very same lizards that killed Queen Elizebeth and ate my kidney! Other than that, they were pretty pleasant folk. They were geniuses when it came to ice cream, surprisingly enough.
I canât stay here long, the Ballas have wiretapped my home and CJ hasnât gotten any of those nail clippers yet! I only have a few minutes before it all goes down, so Iâll need to keep this quick and brief.
In my investigations I uncovered the true true secret behind the catgirl rights ghost. Once her name was Uka. She was just a random cavewoman during the Neolithic, living as a single mom! She didnât need no caveman!
But then it all went horribly horribly wrong! When in one horrific day, her child grew up and left to take their own cavehome! Uka went insane, and started to believe that the local Sabretooth tigers were all her son! Taming them and inadvertently leading to the creation of cats!
Only fitting for them to have come from the first catgirl.
She told me all this through her Instagram btw. So it is all verified and 100% accurate up the yizz-aggle my dudes.
Sorry, I think all these mushroom fumes are starting to get to me. But theyâre the only thing thatâs been keeping me out of my coma for the last month.
Oh, did I tell you about that? I have suffered from a life-long coma syndrome. Once a night, every night, I would just lay down in my bed and spontaneously become unconscious. I know you must think that I am some kind of pervert for my sickness, but I had no control over the cards fate dealt me! Until I got my hands on these amazing anti-coma mushrooms! Just inhale some spores every few minutes and that coma will be kept at bay indefinitely! Only $6â99 at your local mushroom dealer and you can get half off with code âZenMushroomGamingâ for the month of February. Which we arenât in yet for some reason despite it being the first month of the year.
But, in the end, I believe I have managed to find a just compromise that both sides would be able to agree upon:
Catgirls get human rights, but humans are now fair game for slavery and hunting.
This way humans and catgirls are equal, but people can still hold catgirl slaves and mount their catgirl hunting trophies on their walls.
I have created to formal petitions for the UN, one to give catgirls rights, and the other to remove the concept of rights entirely.
I have solved the issue of catgirl rights.
Youâre welcome world.
(Yeah thatâs right, I used the wrong your on the closing line. What are you going to do about it?)
(I wrote this just before succumbing to a coma, so it has extra truth in it.)
thatâs just sleep? itâs only a coma if itâs over 3 days if i remember correctly.
Mini Case 888888888888888888888888
[Music Starts]
It seems today,
that all we see,
is catgirl discussions, and bots on the misc,
and where are that good old-fashioned conspiracies
on which we used to read by!
Lucky theres an paranormal vault!
Lucky theres an man who
Possibly can do
All of the people in this place
Laugh and die!
He is our Zenzone Guy!
[Final trumpets stop]
âŠ
âŠwait.
âŠ
âŠWhere is Zenzone?
Its been 23 years, 368 days and 2,4 hours since zenzone posted his last case. The world has changed a lot since then, obviously in not an good way. I canât ever remember the last time i saw someone genuinally smilling. Aft-
Excuwwwwwwse ME, can you shut twe belgium up? >:3 I TOLD U to not say lies again. The wowld is going better than never. Catgirl right mowiments bwought an stop to catpewson slavery, the co2 in the atmowphere is back to preindustrial levels, Valve launched an tf2 dating sim and Matpat won the 2028 elections. Weâre better without zenzone than with him. mew.
I KNOW, i just wanted scary the Thrivers. But câmon, it will be an little interesting to find out where he is.
By the way, this annoying catperson up here is buwutler, i thought for an long time her was an clone of me, but turns out she is the original.
Im as confused as you are.
First of all, have you even saw Zenzone and Ryan Gosling in the same room? I bet you dont. Why zenzone was not in the oscar of 2024? And no, he being âBuSy WIth PeRsonAl AffaIrSâ is not an strong enough reason to not attended to receive the Oscar for best actor in the film Growns Ups 3 - In Space.
Well, after decades of thinking about this curious fact, I have come to a devastating conclusion:
Zenzone and Ryan Reynolds are the same person.
No, im not kidding, not joking, iâm being totally serious here. There is no other logical way this could be explained. Let me repeat again:
Zenzone and Ryan Gosling are the same person.
Proof? OH YOU WANT PROOF THEN? when is 3+2? 5 of course.
âfiveâ has 4 letters.
you know what also has four letters? RYAN.
RYAN x RYAN = RYANÂČ
RYANÂČ= 16
16 is the minimal age of voting in the Brazil.
what is the fourth letter of Brazil?
THATS RIGHT, Z.
YOU KNOW WHAT ZENZONE DID IN 2000??? HE RUNNED FOR TEXAS SENATOR.
WHAT RYAN GOSLING DID IN 2032? RUNNED FOR PRESIDENT.
Ladies and gentlemen, you dont need to thank me.
1 Like
Hii :> I in fact, exist. I wonât for long though. It is my goal to confuse and confound. It actually looks like some of the issues I had with the forums have gotten better and my life has gotten less extremely busy in recent months so considering showing up more than just once. But uhh, donât bet on it, I might just disappear forever. I, however, have to be annoying about it.
Relevant thing:
Anywho, see you guys⊠Somewhere? I may return, I may abandon you all. Dunno.
5 Likes
Take care of your life, itâs always more important than some forum!
2 Likes
4 users online and one ghost
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO USE THE SKULL EMOJI IM HAVING AN ANEURYSM AAAAAAAAA
:(
An error occurred: Body seems unclear, is it a complete sentence?
THRIVE FORUM WHYYYYYY AAAA WHYYYYY 
PLEASE I JUST WANNA SCREAM AAAAAAAA
1 Like
@aah31415 this is Leviathan (master theory)
1 Like
Do you think that the Leviathan has kidnapped zenzone again and replaced them with an emoji-obsessed zenzone doppelganger?
2 Likes
Case Alpha:
Where did disturbance go?
Yesterday, i woke up in cold sweat. It was still dark, and rain poured heavily at the unprotected ground outside. With the safe and warm protection of my blanket, i directed myself to my aging computer, and i booted it up.
My objective? Check the new thrive progress update. As i finished typing the site address and pressing enter, i stared fixedly the white, slightly humming, loading screen of my browser. The site started to load, and then i saw it again. that belgiumED THING AGAIN. I punched a hole on my pc monitor, and threw it in the same pile with the previous ones that had suffered the same fate.
It has been weeks since iâve last seen disturbance, and even mentioning their name results in my trachea feels gloated, miligrams of estrogen far to desesperate crying. The official âexplanationâ was some judicial problems wouldnât allow for its usage as an mascot, so they made a new, disgusting attempt to mimicry the previous glory that disturbance possesed.
Of course i didnât believed that, since this whole story is false since the start. There are no laws in anywhere the world regarding the civil right of mascots, which is actually an pretty big political issue that i wonât enter alot on it to not anger the forum gods.
If thats the case, why they lied? Maybe they want to hide the truth, but why? What was so problematic on disturbance that made they-
âŠ
âŠwait a minute. What if they arent the ones that made that change?
I adquired an projector, (since i didnât had any other computer monitors and i wasnât willing to break other) and i displayed on a wall both the horryfing beast that is Hexaquill, and a reconstruction of how disturbance looked like, and i tried to find any clues through intense visual analysis.
The first thing that picked up my attention was disturbance having four head appendices, while hexa quill, as the name implies, has six. Also, that name sounds really suspicious. According to dictonary, quill means a kind of pen made with a feather, maybe this means that they took something from disturbance? I can feel that im getting closer to the answer but there still something lacking, something so important that -they made sure no one would
even kno-
âŠ
ohhhhhhhhhhh
ohhhhhhhh⊠I finally get it. Iâve been oblivious to the truth, it was right in front of my eyes since the beginning.
its name is not a name, it is the own crime report.
hexa killd disturbance.
at that moment,i collapsed from my sitting place, trying to absorb that information, the actual truth. but, due to my nature as an investigator, and to the first stage of grief, i asked myself, why? Why hexa would have done something so brutal? But then, i remembered something iâve read in a ancient punic scripture:
âwhy seven feared six?â
âbecause six eight nine.â
Disturbance, counting the head appendices, had nine limbs. hexa ate nine limbs.
now everything finally explains itself. Hexa was a predator from disturbance homeplanet, hungry for its preys, and infortunely, disturbance became one of them. The dev team, shocked by its dissaperance, took the closest creature they could find for be the new mascot, which was Hexa.
Im scared. Not just because im disturbed by the truth, but mainly because i could be itâs next victim.
thanks for reading this, since theses words may be the last ones my cold fingers will type.
6 Likes