TOAST official thread 🇺🇸

Hello, recently the general of TOAST, Marcus Twain, has decided that in order to bolster our recruitment rate that we need to go public from a shadow division of the US military to a regular division of the US military.
if you have any questions about the paranormal, how to join TOAST, or which celebrities are secretly undergroud lizard people, then please contact us with @TOAST_official.
remember, your reality is in our hands.

the two T’s in TOAST stand for thrive, btw. (For anyone who doesnt know already)

Hello, I’m interested in joining, about my resume…

I have:

400 years experience in elemental magic, alchemy, magical artifice and infusion magic

200 years experience in spatial magic, dimensional magic and summoning magic.

20 years experience in occult magic and phantasmomancy

170 years experience in auromancy and golemancy

130 years experience in abyssal and eldritch magic

I have experience fighting against eldritch lords

I have created approximately 358 dimensions and 692 pocket dimensions

1 Like

please report to the nearest Denny’s @fralegend015

What’s a denny’s?


all over america, its a breakfast food chain.

once your local Denny’s has approved your application, please type the words “TOAST recruit” into your vanity name

Im basically immortal…

what exactly is this thread? some kind of joke that im too serious to understand?

It part of a storyline thing that has to do with the The Thrive Vault of Paranormal Activity… I think

I think I’ll join too,
here is the resume

Advanced time travel experience

Created all the good games of the 2000s

Breathes in vacuum and water

20 years of astrophysical research, found 200 planets with life

basically immortal

300 years of telekinetic research, can move flying cars with the mind

Flying car driver’s license


Ich spreche 365 Sprachen dank Google Übersetzer

TOAST public service announcement 1 (10/14/2023):


Hello, if you have recently heard of the fact that the paranormal is real and that the US government has been hiding it from you for centuries, then you’re probably wondering what around you could possibly be a paranormal anomaly.

But you very likely have no clue what is or is not paranormal, and what to do if you are suspicious of something. That is why we here at TOAST have created a small list to help you go about your day just a tad safer.

Read up, and remember,

Your reality is in our hands.

1: is an inanimate object mysteriously moving in your house?

If so, and you are certain something else isn’t moving it, then you likely have what we here at TOAST call a “Toy Story” anomaly, an inanimate object that moves when it is not being observed.

We suggest that you secretly install cameras and microphones around your house, peripherally around areas where you commonly talk to family members or friends about anti-government opinions, and connect them to our database.

If we detect anything anomalous or suspicious in other ways, then we will be sure to send a detainment team to your premises as soon as possible.

2: have people around your neighborhood suddenly started to go missing?

If so then please install cameras around your neighborhood and/or house perimeter to record suspicious events.

Make sure to also report anyone acting odd in the neighborhood, as they are likely infected with lycanthropy and must be brought to a TOAST paranormal disease center for detainment and study.

3: has anyone you know been saying illegal things?

Things such as anti-government sentiments? Pro-paranormal sentiments? Derogatory remarks about General Twain’s height?

If so then they have been influenced by the dangerous terrorists known as Mark Zen, Milo “Twilight” Walters, or Trevor Philips. Please report them and standby to be rewarded 1-10,000$ depending on the severity of their crimes.

4: has someone randomly started to speak in a guttural demonic language and psychically thrown around furniture?

If so, then you might be inclined to investigate further, but it is likely that nothing out of the ordinary is occurring.

5: have you noticed that your regular neighborhood TOAST patrols have been vanishing or TOAST outposts have been destroyed?

If so then it is likely the work of the terrorists known as Mark Zen, Milo “Twilight” Walters, or Trevor Philips, and please report this as soon as possible so that we may set up a search perimeter before they escape.

Okay, now that you are sufficiently aware of how to spot paranormal activity, how about we move on to methods of reporting paranormal activity.

1: phone in to 267-555-0150.

2: run into your local Denny’s screaming the codeword ‘help, there is a massive monster chasing me and it ate my kidney also can I have a hamburger’ and our hidden TOAST agents will know immediately to mobilize a detainment team.

3: take your personal TOAST anomaly alert flare and shoot it up into the sky, a detainment team will arrive shortly.

And please remember to not report to TOAST on an incorrect accusation. Remember, wasting TOAST resources is considered a federal crime, and is punishable with 5 years in a TOAST prison factory.

And always remember, your reality is in our hands.

yo gamma, ya it says here I have to eat the kidney of a mana beast and get a green mana core!

shut up - gamma 2021

Not entirely original but I still love the name “Toy Story” for inanimate moving object, absolutely inspired.

Though the post could use some basic formatting to make it look more official-ly you know : )

Like some headers and bolding, stuff like that

even if I have no idea what still going on.

your comments have been filed and a detainment squad has been sent to your premises, please do not resist citizen.
remember, your reality is in our hands.

I do not consent to that, so I am completely immune to any detainment (✿◕‿◕✿)

you have been found guilty of anti-government sentiments. you will be arrested and put in a TOAST prison factory.
agreement is a non necessity.
remember, your reality is in our hands.

No actually the acronym is Totally Official Agency of Strange Things (I made the acronym for it)

Also TOAST is boring and actually best served with honey and butter. Only scary if you are gluten free. (Denny’s doesn’t have a gluten free option because they work with TOAST)

Oops just realized I double posted mb

Go learn some owomancy