i looked into it, nothing paranormal, this willow is simply a benign hyperintelligent spam bot created by Ethiopia.
or is that just what TLC wants you to think?
stay tuned, for answersâŠ
Case 36:
WHY HAS ELON MUSK PURCHASED TWIITER?
Recently Elon Musk has purchased Twiiter, why is that? Could it be because he is a vampire? Could it be him just being South African? Or is it all an elaborate reference to Peppa Pig?
NO! the answer is both much more and much less sinister than that.
For you to understand what I am about to tell you, I must first expose the story behind the origins of Twiiter.
Letâs begin.
In the year 2006, Jack Dorsey was eating spaghetti with his hands, as were the cultural norms during the times, when he suddenly had an idea, an idea so great that it would forever change the course of history.
Eating spaghetti with a fork instead of your hands.
He travelled the lands pitching his ideas to anyone who would hear them, but they would simply laugh it off.
Who would eat spaghetti with forks? How else would you get sauce all over your fingers that you could lick off? The idea was ridiculous.
Jack Dorsey would eventually appear on Shark Tank, looking for investors to his ideas, but they were so astounded by his idiocy, that they dropped him into an actual shark tank.
Jack Dorsey was eaten by the sharks, but his rage at his ideas being rejected was so great, so all consuming, that the sharks were taken over by him. His mind usurped theirs, and the half dozen sharks that made up Jack Dorsey escaped from the show shark tank, eating a man on his way out and into the sewers.
He planned and they plotted for many years, until he finally had an idea.
He would force the world to eat spaghetti with forks, one way or another.
But in order for his plan to work he would need to control a multinational social media platform.
And so he founded Twiiter, and our doom was put in motion.
He spent several years building up power and influence, before he put his plan into motion.
He made a new kind of G, a 5G, and he erected towers of it all across the world.
As soon as he turned them on he would force the entire population of the world into mental slavery so that he could make them eat their damn spaghetti with forks.
But just as he was maniacally laughing and had his fin moving towards the on button he was stopped by one man.
Who was this man?
He was Elon Musk.
And he was back for revenge.
Remember that guy that Jack Dorsey ate while he was escaping Shark Tank? It was Errol Musk, Elon Muskâs father.
Elon Muskâs grief motivated him to start Tesla and Space X so that he would eventually gain enough money to buy Twitter and stop Jack Dorseyâs evil plans.
And then he did.
And he did.
Buy Twiiter.
And so that is why Elon Musk bought Twiiter, and how he saved us from an eternal damnation of having to eat spaghetti with forks. Though of course people eat spaghetti with forks now, but thatâs irrelevant.
Case 37:
WHY DID IT HAPPEN?
If you have been following recent events closely then you may be aware of it happening, and you want to know why.
Is it because of China? Is it because of Canada? Is it because of Cambodia?
Or is it because of Chile?
It is.
But why is it because of Chile?
In order to understand that I will first have to tell you a little story, a story of a chili miner in Chile.
A chili miner named .
Was always very ambitious, and desperately wanted to rise up the ranks of the chili mining industry to eventually become the foreman of Chile, so that he could provide for his sick mother.
But one day while was mining in the chili mine for chili he heard a cry for help from deep within the mines, and so he went down to investigate.
But what heard would change âs life for ever.
He saw a crowd surrounding a woman in a cage suspended above a boiling pit of chili, everyone in the crowd was wearing a robe and sombrero as they chanted in a long-dead language.
The womanâs cage was slowly being lowered down into the chili pit, and she was screaming for help.
Tried as much as he could to stop it, but he was thrown into the chili pit as well.
Entirely unrelated to that Elon Musk was flying into space in order to go to Mars along with a small crew, comprised of Elon Musk, Grimes, the ancient ghost of a samurai, and Daniel Devito. But while they were travelling they accidentally went through a cloud of cosmic radiation.
The radiation knocked them unconscious and destroyed the ships engines, sending it hurtling back down to earth.
When they came out of the wreckage they found that they had been mutated and given amazing powers from the cosmic radiation.
They became the Terrific Twelve, and immediately sought out more members so that their name would make sense.
They have been unsuccessful so far.
Also their arch nemesis Dr. Victor von Pewdiepie has been doing some stuff recently and theyâre going to have to do something about it.
And yes, I am making a series about this.
Eventually.
Also completely unrelated to this as well Daniel Roddingham was enjoying a pizza in New York.
And now you know why it happened, youâre welcome worldâŠ
Post so you can still post zenzone
I think this is right thread
Case 38:
WHO MADE THOSE COMICS?
If you closely follow me and my work (which of course you do, why wouldnât you?) then you might have noticed that âIâ have posted several âcomicsâ recently, you all enjoyed them and printed them out before hanging them in your homes (which of course you did, why wouldnât you?).
But something that you might not have noticed is that I did not make those comics, nor did I post them!
No, it was âDetective Zenâ who posted those comics, not Detective Zen (me)!
And you all lapped it up like lappers, never once questioning why I, someone who writes case files and memoirs about my life, would make things as nonsensical as these.
But who released them? Who was posing as me? And why is all of this whipped cream in my house?
I will answer most of those questions and more on this case file, so stay tuned!
In order to find out the truth we will first have to examine the evidence, starting with the âfirst comicâ.
It contains a VERY poorly drawn man saying âEâ before looking side to side and demanding the viewer to laugh!
Ha! As if I would ever need to demand my viewer to laugh! Come to think of it, why would they laugh at all?
I am a very serious person who talks about very serious things!
I did some solo investigation-ing in between my last paragraph and this one, and I have uncovered that âEâ is not a funny internet meme that no one really understands, but instead the summoning chant for an eldritch abomination!
Thatâs right, this âDetective Zenâ wanted to make you laugh and say âEâ so much that you ended up summoning E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E in order to bring about the end of the world.
Moving on to the second comic we see a âStussy Sâ being displayed before an angry man comes and demands that it be taken away. The âStussy Sâ slowly drifts off screen at a breakneck pace before the man turns to the viewer and loudly yells that the comic is âfamily friendlyâ.
Why would he yell that? Why would he think the âStussy Sâ is not family friendly? And why is he drawn so poorly!?
I was sadly unable to answer any of these questions, this comic remains a mystery. Though I know that itâs still evil, in my heart.
And now we arrive at the third, and so far final, comic. We see a man wearing a hat and that same angry man from the previous comic, the man in the hat starts to speak and the angry man shoots him several times in retaliation (fair enough). The man wearing a hat looses his hat and begins to bleed out all over the floor as the angry man looks on in disdain.
The bleeding out man collapses on the floor, either dead or soon-to-be dead. The angry man then looks at the viewer again and once more proclaims this comic to be âfamily friendlyâ
Though I honestly cannot say that he is wrong in that proclamation I still decided to investigate further. What I found is shocking.
I discovered that the bleeding out manâs hat is actually an artifact from ancient Rome, used to cause mount Vesuviusâ eruption, and is now hidden withing the comic.
Whoever this âDetective Zenâ is he clearly plans to use the hat to make Yellowstone erupt, and destroy the world.
Though sadly I do not have enough evidence to get a permit to investigate him further, so heâs getting away scot freeâŠ
Okay I guess thatâs it, bye.
This suggests that the person doing the cases is not Zenzone, but âZenzoneâ
This gets more interesting when we remember that we have Butler and Buwutler.
Are they related?
its teaking! i kjnew it!1!
Case 39:
WHY DO MEN HAVE NIPPLES?
update: smart person explained why i was dumb, thank you smart person 
Because zenzone is a banana
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Evolutionarily speaking itâs easier to grow male and female fetuses as the same until they differentiate and it just so happens that nipples develop early enough that they just wind up on everyone.
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Because embryos are (technically) female in the early stages.
iâm pretty sure that the sex is decided at conception because the sperm provides either an x or a y to an egg that will always be an x.
although they then develop on the same path for the next few months until sexual dimorphism begins, and nipples form before that.
Added in â(technically)â.
Obviously you knew this, after all you are the cause of it.
yes exactly.
Case 39:
WHY IS THERE, THEIR AND THEYâRE ALL PRONOUNCED THE SAME WAY?
Recently it came to my attention that certain English words sound the exact same as each other despite having different spellings and entirely different meanings.
Words such as there, their, and theyâre.
Why is that?
Why do three separate words have the same meaning? Why do some other English words have the same problem such as your and youâre? And why does literally no other language have this issue? (and you can quote me on that)
Before we get in on that this Paranormal Case File has been sponsored by âDetective Zenâsâ comics, thank you to âDetective Zenâsâ comics for sponsoring this Paranormal Case File.
So why are these three words the same? Well to answer that question I will first have to tell you a story of a man who lived a very long time ago.
A story of Elon Muskâs great great great great great great great grandchild, Excalibur Musk.
Excalibur was always a gifted child, great at mathematics, amazing at the violin, and literally the smartest man to have ever lived on the subject of the English language.
But he was also quite rebellious, and often got in trouble with his teachers because of their jealousy.
Who was this child to be better at the fields that they spent decades studying in? what was he, some kind of boy genius?
But they couldnât do anything about it, because they were âadultsâ and he was âa infantâ and itâs âIllegal for a adult to assault a infantâ for some reason.
And so Excalibur went through his childhood in a breeze. He got a masterâs degree in physics by age 5 (months), inventing FTL engines at age 9 (months), and completely revolutionizing agriculture and eliminating global hunger/poverty by the time he was 1 years old.
But eventually Excalibur came of age, and decided to set out looking for a job. But it just so happened that literally every single one of his teachers got a position of power at some company and were able to leverage their influence to keep him out of them out of spite.
And so, homeless and destitute, literally the only hungry and poor person in the world, he decided to take his revenge. He invented a time machine out of some cardboard boxes and went back to idk 1500 bc England, the exact moment when the English language came to be.
Once he had arrived he set his plan into motion, and told Engle Englishman (the inventor of the English language) that a few of his words were dumb and he should use these other words instead. Because he was so knowledgeable of the English language and Engle Englishman himself, he was easily able to convince him to the word changes.
And that is how we have words that sound exactly the same but have entirely different meanings, Excalibur Musk was just making a fool of us this entire time.
And what were these words before the changes you might ask?
Theyâre was SHobyavYvedbah;k8q10101011, their was AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!, and there was (loud gurgling).
If you wish to not look like a fool and embarrass yourself you must use these words!!!
Youâre welcome.
Case 40:
WHY WAS I SPONSERED BY âDETECTIVE ZENâSâ COMICS?
Recently, as in just a few seconds ago, I posted an amazing, eloquent and detailed Case File documenting how Excalibur Musk influenced the English language. Now while this normally wouldnât be anything outside of the ordinary, if you look closely enough between the lines of perfection then you might see something suspicious.
A paragraph of odd, confusing words that make your head hurt and your vision to get all blurry.
But if you manage to power through that then youâll notice that it says that this Case File was sponsored by âDetective Zenâsâ comics.
Oh⊠my⊠godâŠ
How did he⊠when did heâŠ
I immediately got to work investigating on how this sick bastard infiltrated my servers and edited one of my Case Files, right as I published it as well!
But no matter where I looked, no matter what documents I checked or what firewalls I checked for appropriate warmth there was no way that anyone could have hacked into my system. Or at least I wasnât seeing any wayâŠ
Heâs good, very good, he didnât even leave a trace anywhere in my data.
It was a dead end, I needed to investigate elsewhere.
I popped over to his sick, perverted comic thread on the thrive community forum and saw a painting of the most beautiful man I had ever seen, but there wasnât any evidenceâŠ
He got away this time⊠but next time he wonât be so luckyâŠ
And also yes I did do my investigation and write this in the span of 4 seconds why are you asking?
Case 41:
WHY DO PEOPLE GET BRAIN FREEZE?
Aaaaaaahhh brain freeeeezeâŠ
Okay Iâm better now my brain isnât frozen.
So why do people get brain freeze when they eat cold foods? Why does it hurt so much? And is it going to kill your family and everyone you love? (spoiler: it is)
Stay tuned, for the answers.
Go to your freezer, open it up and quickly eat the closest thing you can get your hands on, eat it as fast as you can while youâre at it.
Have you done it?
Yes? Good.
Does your head hurt?
Yes? Not good.
It is not good because you are about to die in a few seconds, and it was entirely the fault of the brain freeze and no one else.
But why are you dying?
Iâll tell you why.
As the frozen food enters your mouth it is quickly broken down by small organisms in your mouth (these are called bacteria, and weâll get to those later donât you worry), this is normal for all food, but something unique happens when the mouth tries to break down frozen food.
You see, it is not known to many, but frost isnât actually made by small particles of frozen water, no, itâs a flesh-eating super mold that can only grow in cold environments, and now it has been broken down into small particles in your mouth.
You see frost was invented by the Soviets in 1967 as a bioweapon to be used to destroy the Sahara Desert, but it quickly got out of control and spread across the world.
But anyways now the small floating particles of frost are in your mouth, and theyâre angry.
They immediately get to work killing anything around it, usually the first victims of this microscopic massacre are your poor mouth bacteria. This means that even if you spit out the food in your mouth right now you will never be able to eat anything again.
But soon all of the bacteria are dead, and the frost is spreading outwards, outwards to your mouth.
It dissolves your tongue, teeth, lips and cheeks within seconds (as is currently happening to you). And it is at this moment that you are teleported away and replaced with a clone by the CCP to cover for their communist allies. By the time you arrive the frost has already destroyed your head and youâre dead, so I donât know why Iâm writing this anymore because you canât see it because youâre dead of brain freeze.
So I guess the rest of this is for whoever was smart enough to not follow my instructions at the beginning.
Uh⊠thatâs it goodbye youâre welcome.
Rare image of Excalibur Musk in his youth
Sauce: Museum of Intertemporal Research, also known as Wikipedia
Polish is worse:
Potem (IPA: /pÉtÉm/; X-SAMPA: p0tEm) - Later
Potem (IPA: /pÉtÉm/; X-SAMPA: p0tEm) - (E.g. With) Sweat.
1 Like
is polish tonal im too lazy to look it up