WHY CAN NO ONE GET A PS5 STILL?
If you have been a living human being within the last 2 years then you might have noticed that it is impossible for anyone to get a PS5 (well, except for me of course I have one).
Why is that? Why is it that even two years after it was first released is it impossible for anyone to actually buy a Play Station 5? And why are they so large and inconveniently shaped? And when will the McRib return?
All this and more, on these Case File.
Go down to your local BlockBuster, ask the cashier where they keep their PS5s.
If you do this then you might start to notice them sweating, nervously swallowing and trembling as they prepare themselves to answer you.
They will say they don’t have PS5s at this store Mark.
Begin to push over stands and tear off the wallpaper and they’ll call the police on you for the fifth time.
Coincidence? I think not.
Break into the home of the owner of BlockBuster and suddenly you’re on a no fly list.
I just wanted to find the hidden PS5s.
All of these and more are not simple coincidences, it’s them trying to stop you from getting a Play Station 5, it’s them infringing on your human rights to buy a Play Station 5, it’s them ‘just asking for it’.
But why is them trying to do this? Why do them care?
In order to understand this I will first have to tell you a little story, the story
Of a walrus.
Wally The Walrus was a good walrus, he always did the walrus things like, having tusks.
But one day he saw a big boat off the coast of his walrus home, it had the playstation logo.
Wally The Walrus was captured by Sony and butchered to be turned into a Play Station 5, you see they needed the unique type of blubber that only walruses have in order to make the SSD memory card.
They had done similar things in the past, they killed the Northern White Rhinos to make the PS4, the Spix’s Macaw to make PS3s, Dodos to make PS2s, and finally the wooly mammoth in order to make Play Stations.
(and don’t even get me started on the other consoles and handhelds they made).
So Wally The Walrus was killed and turned into a PS5, the only PS5. I bought this PS5 at an auction.
That is largely irrelevant but that’s how I got the only Play Station 5 in the world.
Anyways you might be wondering why they didn’t make any more PS5s. Well they were lobbied by PETA to stop killing animals in order to make gaming consoles.
That’s right, the reason that you don’t have a Play Station 5 right now is vegans. You should start a forest fire as revenge.
For example, I set a bunch of them in the Amazon a few months ago.
You’re welcome world.